So...shortly after my return to social media last Fall, I began scrolling through advocacy posts of waiting children, really thinking that we would be open to a boy or a girl. But, again, really thinking it'd likely be a boy. We wanted God to use our family as He saw fit. But, as I examined the tug on my heart towards down syndrome, I started focusing more on that aspect of our journey which narrowed my search just a bit. *When I say "narrow," I mean that there are several groups devoted to advocating for children with down syndrome. I searched mostly in these groups. I don't use the word "narrow" to describe the number of kiddos who have down syndrome AND need a family. There are so many kiddos waiting for families to say YES.
Here are some numbers (China Adoption Program) from February 2018.
Age 0-2: 19 girls, 96 boys
Age 3-6: 327 girls, 804 boys
Age 7-12: 504 girls, 1266 boys
Age 13: 67 girls, 156 boys
Total numbers: 3,238 kids - 917 girls and 2,321 boys
Of the 3,238 kids waiting, 875 of these kids have down syndrome.
At this point in my search and after focusing my time in down syndrome advocacy groups, I was feeling a small tug towards adopting a girl. I didn't want to perpetuate a statistic, but adopting a girl had been put on my heart. Perhaps, it was because I had felt strongly about a name for a daughter. A month or so before pursuing our sweet Aliza Joy...I had shared with Eric that I loved the name, Aliza, for a girl. Aliza is a Hebrew name which means joyful...but it is pronounced Ah-lee-zah. I preferred the spelling of this name (and the meaning!), but wanted to pronounce it with a long i sound. Ah-lye-zah.
Well, fast forward to that initial conversation with someone at Show Hope (last December), and God reminded me that He is truly in every detail...and that choosing a name before we even knew who we'd welcome into our arms was not silly or without purpose...without His purpose! While the contact from Show Hope wasn't able to share any specifics about Aliza, she didn't have to share much when she used the phrase..."She is pure JOY" to describe our girl. Joy. Did you read that? Joy! This girl was JOY defined! That little "God" detail was not taken lightly. It felt SO personal and so clear.
Towards the end of December, just before we left for Christmas break at school...I received another sweet glimpse into how God was moving and working in our adoption journey. As a Kindergarten teacher, Christmas time is often associated with gift-giving. While it's not encouraged or expected, seeing your students overcome with excitement about giving something to you...well, it's just plain heart-warming! I can usually count on a great mug or two. You see, I drink coffee every morning and often joke with my students that Mrs. Murray can't live without her coffee! Well, on this particular day, as I opened up a gift from one of my precious students, I was so excited to receive...a coffee mug! Except that this mug wasn't just any mug...because on one side...in the middle of heart...was that word. Aliza's word. JOY! And on the other side...the verse from Romans 15:13..."May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace..."
I had to hold back some tears. My poor students and their emotional teacher! Since we weren't officially matched with Aliza and were still finishing up our home study, we hadn't shared much about our adoption with anyone outside of our immediate family. But when I shared with this parent how much the mug and its word meant to me, the parent shared that this mug was actually not the original one she had picked out. It was one of those finds/exchanges you grab on your way to the checkout. See? God is in the details. And He uses others in His kingdom to bring about HIS plan.
God revealed even more to me about how little faith I can have in leaving every detail to His hand. The following weeks seemed super chaotic and busy. Not only was it Christmas, but I was feeling an urgency about chasing after Aliza. From the technical perspective of the adoption process, we were not quite done with our home study. Per China's new rules, we had to have a home study before we could review Aliza's file. Previously, you could review a child's file at any point in the process. *This was quite a controversial change because often times, families would literally feel called to adopt after reviewing a file...not after beginning a home study.* At the time that I saw Aliza's advocacy post, her file was currently with a different agency. I did some quick messaging and was able to contact the SUPER SWEET advocate who worked with Aliza's current agency and ask for her information...specifically, when her file would be released back to the Shared List. We were already working with a different agency so we couldn't transfer. And... agencies usually have files for a certain amount of time. During this period of time, the agency tries to advocate and match the child with his/her family. However, if a family is not found, the child's file is returned to the Shared List and another agency has a chance to lock the file and advocate for that child. Of course, this was all a moot point because we couldn't lock her file without a completed home study...so if a family (who had a home study) came forward for her...they'd have the opportunity to match with her. See the trickiness? I was praying...but I needed to be praying for God's will and not necessarily whether He had chosen Aliza to be a part of our family. I couldn't be upset if a family came forward to adopt her...because every child belongs in a family. I absolutely believe that. But, let me tell you, it was HARD! This Mama had fallen hook, line, and sinker for this sweet girl...but I really felt God's hand over this situation.
Enter: A HUGE BUNNY TRAIL about the Shared List: To make muddy waters even muddier, China dissolved orphanage partnerships around the time we brought Josiah home. Partnerships allowed agencies to basically receive files directly from their partner orphanages. It allowed for some consistency of files being created and also strong relationships between the agency and orphanage...among other things. Without partnerships, the process of "locking" files became a bit of a helter-skelter process. All files were placed on this Shared List and agencies had to log on and lock files that fit their family's criteria. For lack of a better comparison, imagine a draft day of some sort...when every player, item, what have you, is released...and you refresh your computer screen a million times before the file release begins at 8:00 a.m. and then make a mad dash to lock your file. That's sort of what I envision the process is like now with China's new rules. In fact, when we first signed on with our agency, our social worker was very up front in telling us that they had not locked a file of a "mild needs" child since January. Almost a year later. *Again, remember, I'm using "mild" in a general manner as this is still defined mostly by what a family is comfortable with handling. We are also working with a different, and smaller, agency than we did with Josiah. This could also affect their ability to "lock a file."
Back to December...and receiving the information from Aliza's agency that we needed to track her file on the OMINOUS SHARED LIST. Now, Aliza was considered a waiting child, so theoretically, her file hadn't been sought out by many families up to this point. However, we still needed to ask OUR agency to seek out her file on a specific date when it was released to the shared list and pray they could lock it for us. This seemed SUPER stressful to me. The advocate I had been speaking to suggested that our agency ask the CCCWA (China Center for Children's Welfare and Adoption) to just transfer the file from her current agency to our agency when the time came. In a sense, SKIP the Shared List. Now, THAT seemed much less intense...but I would need to tell our agency what to do and when. Literally...at one point in the beginning of this journey, our social worker asked me, "So can I ask why you chose us!?" LOL. I was a little taken aback. But, I was also doing a lot of "telling" these days and wasn't really doing a lot of waiting. So touché! Our agency has been great though...truly!
Long story, only somewhat shorter, our agency was able to ask the CCCWA for her file to be transferred and that request was granted. So in January, we were able to review her file. Answered prayer! As I opened her file for the first time on my computer...I quickly scanned the top. Much of the file is translated, but it usually has both the Chinese and English information. At the very top of the first page was her given Chinese name...and wouldn't you know? Beside her Chinese name, it said: Meaning "joyful." WHAT?! God turned this "small to me" detail into a very "BIG TO HIM" detail. We had considered using Aliza's Chinese name as a middle name, but since we hadn't with Josiah...we weren't sure it made sense to change it up. But after learning that her given name meant joy, we decided it was pretty evident that we should use Joy as her middle name and cover all our bases. So Aliza Joy...essentially, Joy, Joy. A double portion! How fitting for ALL the ways God had spoken to us about this sweet and precious detail that was BIG enough to weave into our journey again and again.
While it seemed silly to determine a name before we even knew Aliza was ours...I am in awe at how God used the word "joy" to show us His faithfulness, His goodness, and His ability to be such a personal God. Only God can take such a detail, like an over-obsessive Mama picking out a name based on its meaning, and literally weave it into all of the special turning points of this journey. It seemed like such a small detail to think about...maybe even premature...but to God...no detail is TOO small. God is in the details, friends. Always.
x
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