Monday, December 4, 2017

Hands Full, Heart Full: Month FIVE

   
*I have to note that every single time I get out this blanket...he comes over and sits down...and then looks up and smiles while I drag over a chair. Golly, he's such a genius. Thanks for obliging your Mama, Bug!*

     Technically, yesterday marked FIVE whole months with our Siah Bug. And if I'm being completely honest...I just couldn't bring myself to try and write a post for this month. While all months have had their challenges, I think this past month was the most exhausting for us- both physically and emotionally. Exhausting not in the form of doctor visits, but rather in the form of s.l.e.e.p.  I'm typically a person that can go on very little sleep...but this last month met me with pure exhaustion. There were nights when I was getting maybe a couple of hours of sleep at most. And those sleepless nights were happening consecutively...with no end in sight. *We even went to Urgent Care a few weeks ago because I was convinced he had an ear infection due to the sleep struggles. But alas, no ear infection...yet.*
     For the past four months, I've co-slept with Josiah. The first month of crib-sleeping was miserable and no one was sleeping. And we saw immediate relief with co-sleeping since that was what we did in China too. However! Co-sleeping with Josiah is actually more draining than any of my other newborn experiences with Sydney, Landon, or Emmaline. You see...when a newborn cries...you can meet their needs by diaper changes or feeding or rocking. When Josiah cries, there really isn't any meeting of his needs. He doesn't want held. He doesn't want milk. Or water. No new diaper. He just screams. And screams. And screams. For sometimes hours on end. We've read a lot about night terrors and I definitely think that is a legitimate possibility. But it seems that something else might be going on...which is why we were SO excited for his BAER procedure today.
     Eric and I missed several alarms this morning, but thankfully, we got out of the house by 5 a.m. to drive to the hospital for a 6 a.m. show with both Josiah and Emmaline in tow. We waited two hours before going back and beginning the sedation...this time Josiah had to be put under using general anesthesia. The "why" behind this different plan is long and involved and I had to be Mama Bear more than I cared to be over the course of several phone calls...but we kept our appointment in order to get answers sooner than {even} later and trusted God that He would see Josiah through this procedure with the same ease as Josiah's MRI sedation. And God truly did. Josiah did very well waking up from the anesthesia and we were pleased with his results. The ENT ended up putting tubes in both ears because Josiah had quite a bit of thick fluid behind his right ear drum (Was this causing our HORRIBLE sleeping again?! Definitely possible!). His left ear drum passed with flying colors under all frequencies which was a huge answer to prayer because this has always been his problematic ear. The right ear started off really well during the BAER...but the audiologist ran into trouble when his ear started draining so she couldn't get it to show normal hearing. She did not feel he was likely a candidate for hearing aids and thought the tubes were going to be our answer to all of Josiah's failed hearing tests. YAY! We're going to check into some speech therapy just to make sure we're not falling behind during this crucial language development stage. And we'll do a hearing test on the right ear in a few weeks to see if the audiologist can feel good about what she's getting the right ear to do.
     Here's our boy when I finally went back and waited for him to wake up. Admittedly, I cried when they put the mask on him and watched him scream with the initial sedation. He's been through so much. Seeing him so peaceful in the crib melted my heart though. The nurses kept commenting on his perfect little lips. <3


     My biggest complaint about today was the fact that we weren't working with a pediatric sedation team like we were for his MRI. If you remember from my last post, Josiah had the most successful IV stick to date because they were willing to listen to me and use an ultrasound machine to find a good vein. Of course, he still didn't like it...but it was one poke and success. I shared these same concerns and suggestions to our anesthetist and she claimed that because Josiah would be asleep he wouldn't feel anything anyway. Um...last time I checked...he wasn't a testing subject to experiment with?! I had to get my Mama Bear suit on to inform her that whether he "felt" it or not... I did NOT want her poking around his arms several times before finding a vein. She assured me they would take great care of him...and that the medicine usually made veins "plump" up. Long story short...his veins don't "plump" up ever and now our boy has some bruises on his hand from FAILED IV pokes. I will definitely be sharing my complaints with the powers that be. Ugh. Mama knows best. All in all, it was a LONG day but we're so hopeful that these tubes will help Josiah in so many ways! And maybe we can all sleep? Because we can't understand how our son is even standing most days. It's affecting him in big ways too!
     Now...since the sleeping was so bad this month...we finally decided to try the crib again this past weekend. His screaming fits were waking up the rest of the house so we had nothing to lose. The first night didn't go so well with crying and constant jumping...talk about stamina! Not good. But eventually, he fell asleep. CIO is a huge no-no (probably to many non-adoptive parents...but definitely!!!!! for adoptive parents) so that was hard...but honestly, living on such little sleep as a parent isn't healthy either. Patience and grace don't exist with sleeplessness. The second night in his crib was better...and last night...was basically a dream! He watched Emmaline and took her lead. He cried a bit...but would look over at her and see her laying down...and then realize he was supposed to do the same. HUGE breakthrough! (I told Eric that at this point...if Emmaline asked for a pony...I'd give it to her! We love you Sugar Bear! And Mommy and Daddy owe you big time for all of your great modeling. Haha!) I should note...that all 3 nights...Josiah slept through the ENTIRE night...in his crib. So while it did take some crying...we have felt mostly positive about tackling the crib again. Here's praying this streak continues. And if it doesn't, hopefully I'm in a much better state to handle the incessant crying and blood-curdling screaming.
     Eating is still inconsistent, but he's getting better at eating fruits for us. The textures don't seem to bother him as much. He'll eat a whole banana is one sitting so that's improvement. This is still definitely a trigger for his tantrums though. We're trying to find a happy medium and not die on EVERY single hill. But, he also can't live off of cheese puffs...which is a bummer for our cheese puff-loving boy. Truth.
     Here's a recap of some other things that happened this month! Not pictured: A SECOND hair cut by Mommy. I know, I know. I said I'd never...but we had family pictures and we were desperate. It's not as terrible...but I'm not about to make it a regular thing. Promise, Siah! xoxo

The bigs had a living room sleepover this month so that was an open invitation for Josiah to lay down. If something or someone is on the floor...SO IS JOSIAH! Haha!

Josiah enjoyed our Christmas Parade in town! Santa rides down the street on a fire truck and everything...which made this boy's whole face LIGHT UP! It's definitely a face I'll always remember. 

Thanksgiving was at our house this year which was soo helpful for this little boy and not being overstimulated. Such a blessing! (Thanks, Ma! ;-) You can have it back next year. xoxo)

Jingle, our Elf, came and brought the kiddos Christmas jams. The boys match and the girls match. Be still my Mama heart! Josiah and Emmaline love finding Jingle every morning. They're both really good at saying Jingle's name clearly too!

Josiah LOVED decorating the tree. He would cup both hands around each ornament and grit his teeth and shake. True excitement! Such a sweet FIRST we got to share with our boy this year!

Reading bedtime stories in front of the Christmas tree is a favorite nighttime activity. 

Eating FISH sticks is always a victory. Don't worry...they're #wildcaught. He ate TEN of them though so I was proud...because main dishes are a battle for us. And fish is protein, people! YAY!

     We look forward to celebrating Jesus' birth with Josiah during month SIX. We can't wait to see what he thinks about Christmas and all it entails. The food, the presents, the family. We won't have the luxury of staying home during this holiday season...but we're praying we can support Josiah as needed with all of the extra "stuff" that December brings. It can definitely be an overwhelming time so we'll try and follow his lead. It's been fun shopping for his Four Gifts. Sydney and Landon helped me pick out his "Want" already and we can't wait for him to see it. 
     Enjoy this December, friends. I pray you're able to relax and appreciate the slowness at times. That is so important for me to remember in this season of go, go, go. Blessings!




1 comment:

  1. Hi Lindsay, I’m Liz’s mom (Brian’s Liz). I love your blog and am so impressed with your family. You are a true blessing to Josiah and your children. The years go by fast and you will hardly remember how tired you were when your kids are grown. You all are in my prayers and your pics of your kids are so darn cute! Have a blessed Holiday!

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