Picking up the Pieces

     {My heart sank. It wasn't the first time...and I know it won't be the last. But a little piece of my heart broke when I read the words in that email. Another family who was reviewing his file had decided to move forward.}

     A while back, I had shared about this beautiful and precious little one we had reviewed. Well a couple of months ago, we learned that he had been chosen by another family before we could review his file again. Obviously, we were elated that this little one had found his forever family. But, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't heartbroken too.

     Of course, I can only imagine what you may be thinking. How can I be so saddened about losing a child I've never met? After all, I had only really "seen" him twice before. Honestly, I questioned my own emotionality over the situation. Life had been extra stressful lately- with moving and with work. Those stressors must be playing a role in my sensitivity to this precious little one. But as hard as I try to get over this little boy...I can't. Even when we were informed that two more little ones were added to the waiting list for us to view...my heart didn't pitter-patter for them the way it did the first time with this little boy.

     So for the last couple of months, I've had conversations with myself about why this might not have been God's plan for our family. Reasons like: we would've had to do things a little "backwards" if we would have matched with this little boy...and he would've been a little older by the time we brought him home...and then there's this really big reason like...we're not even done with our home study yet?!?! Oh. Ok God. Great point.

{Can we just talk about that for a quick second minute? The home study?}

     I know I'm a broken record about the length and the amount of work a home study is...but quite frankly, I feel like we've been at a standstill for...ever. Forever ever. People are not kidding when they say it's a full-time job. The problem is...I already have a full-time job so finding time outside of my job as a teacher and mama (and sometimes wife, sorry Eric!) to paper chase and fill out pages upon pages of forms is HARD. I know, I know. I'm preachin'. And I know people do it. But I couldn't. So there, I feel better now. I. could. not. do. it.

     And furthermore, let me say, that it is even harder to come up with a worthy answer when people ask "How's the adoption going?" or "Are you matched yet?" An international adoption is a marathon...and I'm not a very good runner. Ask my sister. I ran track for 1 year in high school and felt sick before every event I was in...and why?! I don't even know...because they just put me in events to let me participate. We're talking...I couldn't even place in the top 3 in my heat. Like 5th heat type of stuff...JV status. I digress...back to my analogy...the marathon. So I feel like we got out of the gates quickly and the first few miles were great...our endurance was up and things were happening. But now we're a little further into the journey and the pace is slowing. I'm tired. Exhausted. Defeated. {Fill in the blank with any other negative emotion you can think of- HA!} And we've got a long way to go. It's so difficult to imagine the finish line when it's not in sight.

     And on top of these exhausted feelings, I’m beating myself up for falling in love with this little boy who cannot join our family. I’m embarrassed that I said “no” to him the first time because our life was too busy and we couldn't consult a doctor about his file. And one might say I’m overreacting…and that may be. But, I’ve been given the opportunity to consider more little ones…and my heart doesn’t leap out of my chest like it did the first time. It’s not the same. Will it ever be? Did I mess up? Did we mess up? Lots of thoughts. Lots.

     I know God has a plan. And I've read and heard countless other stories that tell us this will all be worth it. And I believe that...I truly do. We would not have made the decision to adopt if we were expecting or wanting this journey to be easy. That is for sure! These setbacks and hardships are not a surprise to us. But, when you're only in what seems like the very beginning of the journey, it also doesn't mean that it isn't hard to wade through the difficulty of this process and find the endurance to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

     But alas, it's June. Schoooooool's out for the summer! (cue the song) So full-time job aka home study here I come! Annnnd we're chugging back up the hill on this roller coaster of an adventure. Eric and I sat down yesterday TOGETHER (what?!) for a few hours to work on our adoption paperwork. I finished filling out our passport applications. I dragged my sick self to the park with both kids so Eric could finish his 9 pg. questionnaire...and we uploaded some photos of our family and our home to our agency's website. So we're off to the races again!

     Slowly, slowly, I am beginning to pick up the pieces of January through May...and lay them down into the bigger picture of our adoption story. We've got quite a few more pieces to find and I'm hopeful to see where June takes us on this roller coaster called adoption! Prayers are always appreciated, friends. Have a great week!

*Also, obviously with this blog post...it's apparent that we finally have internet at our new abode. Cue the ANGELS singing! When all of your adoption paperwork is online, no internet makes for terrible progress in this race.*

 

 

{Guest Post}

     A while ago, I had made an offhand comment about eventually wanting to have some guest posts on our blog. I have seen it done on other blogs I follow, but I didn't exactly know how to go about it or who might even be interested in writing something for this little ole blog. But God heard this small dream, and during a particularly rough week, He prompted a friend to email me this "guest post."  My prayer is that you will read this and think of a way you can impact someone else's life...in the way these friends have impacted ours'.

A Call to Arms

    

     Life is difficult sometimes, full of obstacles getting in our way, keeping us from our goals, and making everything harder than it needs to be. In the face of all this discouragement, sometimes we just need someone to step up and be an advocate for us. To advocate on our behalf. To be our fan and cheer us on. We need people who see our needs, our obstacles, our discouragements, and then do something about them.

     James 2 says, "Suppose you see a brother or sister who has no food or clothing, and you say, 'Good-bye and have a good day; stay warm and eat well'—but then you don’t give that person any food or clothing. What good does that do?" Exactly. What good does it do? We all have friends going through something difficult. Instead of just feeling empathy for the person, we need to do something about it. Maybe they need encouragement in the form of a card or email, or maybe they need you to help solve the problem. Sometimes our friends need our involvement more than our well-wishes.

     In the era of Facebook and social media, people throw around the word "friend" a lot. It is easy to simply call someone a friend. It is far better to invest yourself in the lives of the people you love, and they will know you are their friend. Nothing beats the feeling of knowing that someone cares about you, someone wants the best for you, and someone is in your corner cheering you on. Nothing feels better than having a fan, an advocate, a friend.

     Galatians 6:2 tells us, "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." That's our job as Christians, and that's our privilege as friends. We have the ability to lighten the load for our friends. We have the ability to brighten someone's day with laughter. We have the ability to encourage with a kind word. We have the ability to serve others when they could use a hand. We have the incredible ability to change the lives of the people around us. Everyday we have the choice to either make someone's day a little better, or do nothing.

     So what does all this have to do with the Murrays and adoption? Well, I've noted with bewilderment that the adoption process is seemingly designed to be as difficult, discouraging, and expensive as possible. As we heard about the paperwork, the cost, the home study, the character references, the psych evaluations, and all of the other hoops that have to be jumped through, frankly, we were discouraged and it wasn't even us adopting. Adoption on top of life's usual pressures can be very daunting.

     My wife and I are big Murray fans, so we wanted to be friends to Eric and Lindsay not only in name, but in tangible ways that let them know we love them and support them. Feeling affection for someone is fine, but at some point you need to act on that affection for it to mean anything. Maybe we haven't done enough, and maybe we selfishly get distracted with our own lives too often, but we have been trying to put our love into action. It has been so fulfilling these last six months watching God work as Eric and Lindsay move through the adoption process. It has been awesome to be excited with them as they check items off their list, to be happy for them when things are going well, and to share the disappointment when they aren't. To actually care about their lives, that's what being a friend is all about. Being invested.

     Adoption is a chance for all of us to rally around our friends. I don't think that Eric and Lindsay's situation is unique. Everyone has seasons of stress in life, but I'm guessing that anyone going through adoption can probably use an extra dose of support and encouragement from friends. We can help make a tedious, discouraging process into a wonderful story of God's provision, hope, and friendship that will someday be a part of a child's story.

     There's a ton of stories to be told, and we all have the opportunity to at least be a footnote in one of them. So go be a friend to someone. I was going to say "go be a friend to someone who needs it", but who doesn't need it?

Ephesians 3:20...Part 3

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his might power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

Ephesians 3:20

     So a "Part 3" seemed like a good way to dust off the cobwebs from this little old blog. Quite frankly, there has been neither time nor energy to do much aside from putting one foot in front of the other as of late. Oh and we don't have the internet yet. But that's a different story.

     My "Part 2" was a slight cliffhanger with the exciting news and HUGE answer to prayer that we had sold our home and were looking to move. And like any story, there were lots of details in between the beginning, middle, and end of our whole "moving" saga. All of these details aren't appropriate for the big wide world, but I can say that lots of these details were worked out- and in a good way. Things were obviously stressful. But we did it! We MOVED! And things are STILL stressful as we live among boxes and other miscellaneous items that somehow "made the cut" from one house to the other. I joke with Eric that all of the "treasure" in our garage could probably be put into a dumpster and I wouldn't be sad. Ha! Sometimes emotions make you say silly things. I know anyone that has ever moved is shouting out a big ole AMEN right now. 

     It's been a week since we've been sleeping in our new abode...and we feel so blessed and grateful to be home. We're especially excited that our home study can move forward! We still have some paper-chasing to do, but some of those things involve the physical being of our "home"...what it looks like in the front and in the back...what our son or daughter's room looks like...what the main living areas look like, etc. Pictures will still have to wait a little while yet, as I'm not sure piles of boxes will be looked upon favorably. But we know there is no gray area with selling our house or moving anymore. And we definitely won't have to spend extra money on updating our home study now because we have a forever HOME!

     We also couldn't set up home visits until things were more cemented with our living arrangements. Would South Korea allow us to adopt if we were living in the basement of Grandma's house? We just didn't know if that'd be allowed. HA! All jokes aside, we did live with Grandma for a few days during the transition time of moving (read: we moved some stuff, but not enough to live at either the old or new residence) and it was such a blessing. If you live near parents and have children, again...AMEN. Grandparents (and parents) can be such a huge help. 

     Our new "neighborhood" is turning out to be a wonderful atmosphere for our family. Our son spends his "after-school" hours shooting at his (new to him) basketball hoop...our daughter loves to ride her bike and fly kites...and I love seeing them enjoy the outdoors! We've been super blessed already with a sweet couple who owns farmland that is on two sides of our house as well as a mini-golf course that we can see from our back window. Our kids are in heaven. Yesterday, we came home and the sweet couple was mowing and weeding our lawn. *We have more grass than at our old house and will have to invest in a different mower.* Then, they took the kids for a golf cart ride to let them play a few holes at their mini-golf course. Eric and I tried our hand at it too. Our youngest golfer made it out with 2 hole-in-one shots. I'd say there will be some stiff competition this summer!

     Some days are definitely harder than others to find the joy in each moment. But even in all of the stress, I need to remember to slow down and thank God for all of the ways in which He has worked in our lives over the last year. Sometimes, it's difficult not to focus on the here and now when the here and now is stressful. But you always hear the words of wisdom to look at the "bigger" picture. And when I look back at where we started and where the Lord has led us...it's been a beautiful journey. I didn't say an easy journey...but  a beautiful journey...with many ups and many downs...a journey with growth, heartache, and blessing. He truly has given us peace in a lot of situations and has accomplished infinitely more than we could have asked or thought. 

John 14:14 and Chicken

"You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it." John 14:14

     A few months ago, one of our dear friends approached me about doing a chicken BBQ fundraiser on behalf of our family's international adoption. We graciously accepted her offer and with that, our friends hit the ground running. Tickets were ordered and printed. Fliers were made. (Well-made, might I add.) Posters were hung. Emails were sent. Spreadsheets were created...complete with red numbers and with black. Truthfully, the amount of behind-the-scenes work probably can't adequately be explained into one little post. But I want to try...because it was a LOT!

     Soon, the time came for ticket selling. Our Sunday school class took on this task...and the idea of divide and conquer seemed like a great one! Many of our friends took stacks of tickets to sell. The fundraiser was shared on social media. There were announcements made at church. Getting the word out was half the battle. 

     Early on in the fundraiser, I remember naively asking our friend if there was a minimum number of tickets we had to sell. I had heard from a friend that this certain company had a minimum presale of 300. I laughed. That can't be true. 300 is a big number. Maybe it's different for personal fundraisers. It has to be...right? Wrong. My friend's response when I asked her was 300. 300?! The minimum pre-order for this particular chicken BBQ company was 300. No matter who you were. Ha! Remember that spreadsheet with red numbers AND black ones? Breaking even was selling a little over 200. And a few weeks before the fundraiser...our number was 87. Honestly, my hope and prayer was that our friends could at least break even. To take this fundraiser on was a huge task and I knew the amount of work that had been dedicated...on our behalf.

     We continued to pray for this fundraiser and for well...chicken. And you know what? God heard our prayers- our prayers about moving in the hearts of others and our prayers about chicken.  And after another week had passed, we hit 226! The goal of 300 was much more of a reality now! Red numbers became black numbers. Praise God! Even days before we were to give our final count, people were ordering tickets. My coworkers bought 13 more the day before we had to turn in our final count to the BBQ company. Honestly, it kind of chokes me up just typing this story...because it's a story that only God could have authored. To go from 87 to nearly 300 in a matter of a couple weeks is crazy. But God does crazy things! We've witnessed that time and time again in this journey already.

     Well, today was the big day. The BIG day for our BBQ chicken fundraiser. And do you know what our number was? 355. Three hundred fifty-five. That's how many dinners we served out of our church kitchen between the hours of 10am and 1pm. Oh and I should also add that our dear friends added a cookie to each dinner as well...homemade cookies. So on top of serving 355 half-chickens, my friends (and mama) baked more than 355 cookies to pass out as well! One of the most exciting things about this journey is the stories that we have to share with our son or daughter some day. The stories about our friends, our church family, and our community who rallied behind us to help bring him/her home. And thanks to this fundraiser, we can add more than $1400 to our adoption fund. I can't wait to bring in the stack of checks to the bank tomorrow. As I've been asked other trips to the bank, "Did you just get married?" No...no...we're adopting...and this will help bring our son or daughter home. Thank you for bringing us even closer to that moment. Thank you, thank you from the bottom of our hearts. We are forever grateful to each and every one of you.

     Lastly, what's a great post without some pictures? Unfortunately, I did NOT get a picture of everyone who was involved as I was the crazy ticket-taking lady. And well...it was crazy. Thank you to everyone who bought, sold, served, baked, and shared our fundraiser. We love you all!

 The directors of traffic reporting for duty!

 Have you ever seen so many cookies? I have not.

 The first shift crowd. Ready for action!

The second shift crowd...an action shot! No time for posed smiles. 

Praying that you all have a blessed week. Thank you for reading about our journey and being a part of our story!

It Had to be You

Early bird. Night owl. Which one are you? I've always considered myself both a morning person and a night person. Now, don't get me wrong...there are days when I like to sleep in just as much as the next person...and there are definitely nights when I can't wait to get to bed. But when you average it all out...I tend to function on little sleep. *The level of functionality is definitely up for debate by my loved ones, I'm sure.*

Evenings, in particular, can get me into trouble though. It's usually when I write (for example, it's after 10PM as I begin this entry)...or it's when I work on school stuff...or it's when I simply pass the time by going on bunny trails sparked by social media or other thoughts that won't turn off in my brain. Speaking of bunny trails...

There I was...on a late night bunny trail...a week or so ago. My destination not completely unknown. I knew where I was going, but I didn't necessarily know what I would find. Or who. And that's when I saw you. You. Beautiful and precious little you.

I knew it had to be you. I had never seen you before, but I knew it was you. I recognized your sleeping habits. I recognized your medical needs. I recognized your milestones. I recognized it all and so it had to be. It had to be you. Beautiful and precious little you.

Although I had never seen you, I first met you a few weeks ago. It was then that I learned about how you came into this world. I learned about many things that make you tick. And I wanted to see you so badly. But I didn't need to see your face. I just wanted your words. Words that I could pray over. Words that (we) could pray over. Words that introduced me to you. But the time just wasn't right for more than words. Until this night...when I was on a bunny trail...and I met you for the second time. This time, with more than words. My bunny trail had a purpose. My bunny trail had a destination. My bunny trail led me to you. Beautiful and precious little you.

The next week was filled with prayers and phone calls...and waiting. Lots of waiting for you. We were supposed to hear about you on Monday. And then Monday came and went. I prayed for you again on Tuesday. And then Tuesday came and went. So here we are on Wednesday and I'm praying for you again. Beautiful and precious little you.

29

     Twenty-nine. The significance of twenty-nine probably doesn't mean a whole heck of a lot, unless you're someone like me...someone who counts. I'm a counter. Believe me, counting is not something I've always done..but I've learned to be pretty good at it.

    Normally, I'm good at counting to twenty-four. Sometimes twenty-five or twenty-six. But never twenty-nine. That's not a number I count to...except this last time. I counted to twenty-nine. Twenty-nine is a very different number than twenty-four. It's even enough different than twenty-five or twenty-six. But I counted to twenty-nine and then...just like that...it was time to start over...beginning at number one.

     The number one began with other counting too.  I counted the number of bedrooms in our house. I counted the number of occupied seats in our car. I counted a lot of other things that made the number twenty-nine hurt even more. But then I began to count the number of papers and appointments we've already checked off our list. The number of things we'd have to do all over again if I counted past twenty-nine. And once again, I'm thankful that I'm good at counting to twenty-four because I don't like counting to twenty-nine.

     Someday, I hope I lose the art of counting. The only thing I want to count...is the moment right in front of me...staring at me and asking me to do something with it. Embrace it. Love it. Be grateful for it. Share it with the people around me. Somedays that's easier said than done. But here's to not counting...at least not to twenty-nine.

Are we crazy?!

     Some may answer this question undoubtedly "Yes"...while others may think it's still up for debate. I've asked this question myself more than once in this process already.  But thankfully, one of South Korea's requirements is a psychological examination. So we can pay someone $800 to answer this question for us! Ha!

     All jokes aside though...we began the psychological examination process a few weeks ago. We were told there was a six week wait for new patients. This news made me slightly nervous since we have a deadline for this part of the home study. I called our case worker and she explained that this was a fairly typical timeline for most families in this stage. She didn't think it would be a problem.

     Upon calling our soon-to-be psychologist and telling her that the six-week time frame would work, she let me know that if Eric and I were open to being called when she had a cancellation...it could be sooner. And we have been SO blessed by God's timing. Due to three cancellations in the last couple of weeks, we're almost finished with our entire process already! We've got 2 visits down and 1 to go. And after tonight...we'll have completed our 2nd required test. Let me tell ya, I am really looking forward to answering 500 true and false questions. Eric is doing this same test as I type. I'm hopeful he's alive when I switch spots with him in an hour. Ironically, he just texted me and he's only 100 questions in...pray, friends!

     On top of the amazing timing of cancellations though, we have also been SO fortunate to have someone (that can complete our specific requirements) who is literally 5 minutes from our house. For example, I received an email from our other case worker talking about another family going through the South Korea program. This family is located within an hour of us and they were having trouble finding anyone to do their psychological examination. But, they had finally found someone and wanted to pass along the psychologist's information to us. I love the community that we're already experiencing with this adoption. While we were grateful for their thoughtfulness, we had already started our process with someone very close to us! WAHOO!

     God is working in so many big and small ways and I wanted to check in and let you know where we are in the process! Now, I've gotta run and go show off my sanity! Have a great week, friends!