God always knows.

     How about a post that talks about our most recent adoption UPDATE?! Two weekends ago, we sent off our application (finally) to our chosen agency. It felt like we had been hanging out for weeks with this application. And weeks is probably fairly accurate. Our biggest hang-ups were printing a family picture at Wal-Mart (I kid, I kid) and the special care checklist. This special care checklist was beyond overwhelming. Beyond. I remember sitting down late one night to tackle another small section with Eric...and just sobbing about whether we should say "no" to some conditions and "yes" to others. Battling guilt and wondering WHO would adopt these babies with certain conditions was heart-breaking. I sent out a quick email to our consultant asking for guidance and direction. We are working with someone wonderful from Christian Adoption Consultants. Bless her heart, she responded right away and assured us it was OK to say no. God calls different people to care for every child. We muddled our way through a few more  conditions and then turned in for the night.

     Shortly after Christmas day, we hosted Christmas with Eric's sister and parents. It was the perfect time to dust off our special care checklist...because Eric's mom, brother-in-law, AND sister are all nurses. We were SO thankful that Eric's sister (who is a NICU nurse) could go over the checklist with us. She went into great detail over every single condition on the 5-page, SINGLE- SPACED, list. It saved us a lot of time from googling and we got to talk with a person about things that weren't all scary! We had such peace after our conversation with her. Phew! Thanks, Em!

     With our family picture in tow, Eric sent our packet on its way. Our consultant had touched base with the agency to let them know our app was in the mail. She advised us that if we didn't hear back from our agency by this week...we should let her know. Well, on Tuesday, as my Kindergarten kiddos went off to lunch, I noticed I had a voicemail from a familiar number. It was our agency. I immediately felt excitement...they must have called to let us know they received our application! I quickly checked the  message and our case worker said that she "already had an update" for us. I wasn't quite sure what this meant...but wondered if they had already approved us.

     Thankful it was my lunch break, I returned the call and talked with our case worker. She had shared that they received our application on Friday. Everything looked great. She then went on to say that she had gone ahead and sent our application to their agency in South Korea to get the ball rolling.

     *Sidenote: We chose an agency who had a South Korea program. However, South Korea does not allow this particular agency to work with families in Ohio, unless we get special permission. We were told this wasn't a huge deal (it had been done before), but it would take time...in fact, up to 6 weeks...yikes. Although the approval didn't usually take that long, that was the time frame they had to give us.*

     Sooo... as I was on the phone feeling giddy that our application had even made its way to the agency and that our case worker had kindly sent it to South Korea already....she continues on to say that she had ALREADY heard back from South Korea! Up to 6 weeks?! How about TWO DAYS!? We were approved by South Korea! I was all kinds of excited. I think I sent Eric about 30 emojis with the kiss face. HA! God showed up and showed OFF, friends! I had been praying specifically about the timing of this approval and he answered it. Even our case worker couldn't believe she had already heard back from them in such a short period of time. I emailed our  consultant and overused the exclamation mark but it was warranted. She approved of my exclamation mark usage too. What a huge answer to our prayers!

     So what now?! Now, we finish up our online training and begin the home study. Dun, dun, dun, dunnnnnnn. We're still prayerfully considering which home study agency is best for us. We've had some really great talks with one agency in particular. Would you pray for clarity and discernment with this decision? The home study is a long and grueling process and we want to work with the right agency for us.

     Friends, I am fully aware that our journey is still long...but this quick approval was such a HUGE blessing already. I am finding the good in every single step of this glorious unfolding because I know it's growing our character and our relationship with the Lord. God knows what we need and when we need it. That is for sure!

And one.

3:00 AM.

     Wide awake. I debated on whether to capitalize on my alertness and do something more productive. Something more productive than taking up space in our bed...not sleeping.

4:00 AM.

     Still not capitalizing on productivity...but still not sleeping, either.

Buzzzz. Buzzzz.

My phone vibrated on my nightstand...indicating I had an email. Since sleep and I weren't friends, I decided to define productivity as: checking my email at 4 o'clock in the morning. Oh the joy it would be to see what kind of spam message I was getting at such an odd hour. But behold! It was my encouraging word from KLOVE. *Well played, KLOVE...well played.* I opened it to find this verse from Matthew 7:7.

"Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you." 

     I can assure you that this verse did NOT send me into a deep slumber. But it did send me into a deeper state of thought about what God might be speaking to me at this wee hour of the morning. 

     A few years ago, as a Valentine's day present, Eric and I went to a Francesca Battistelli concert put on by a local Christian radio station. One of the opening bands for Franny was Love and the Outcome. *Can I just say that we love hearing their music on the radio because it's like we knew about them first!? Ok, not really. But it's still cool to think that we heard Love and the Outcome's music before they hit the "big time" radio stations. Anywho,  I digress.* The super sweet husband and wife duo played a few of their songs to open things up. Eric and I both really enjoyed their music. Since this particular concert was in February, Love and the Outcome's album wasn't due to come out until later that year. I remember being a little bummed that I had to wait so long for their album. But nonetheless, I quickly plugged their release date into my phone. That way, I could purchase their album as soon as it came out...and you can bet your bottom dollar I did just that. Like a kid on Christmas morning, I flipped quickly through the songs we hadn't heard yet. I tend to "taste test" my music when I buy an album...each song only gets about 30 seconds of air time until I go to the next one. Once I've tried every song, then I go back and play them all the way through. As I began to play their song Ask, I quickly passed the 30 second "taste test"...and before I knew it, the song had ended. And then I found myself pushing back to hear it again. And again. And again. The words in the chorus were filled with encouragement I needed to lean on:

There is a purpose in our seeking

There is a light beyond this door

We have a promise in our knocking

He wants to give us so much more

If we just ask, ask

If we just ask, ask 

     As I said, this was a "put on repeat" kind of song for me...especially as we began to struggle with infertility. With every failed pregnancy test, I came back to this song time and time again. But after a year had passed, I began to feel like a broken record. In fact, I began to feel just...broken. So instead of asking...I pulled back and waited. I prayed for peace and understanding. I asked for forgiveness for all of the bitterness I was feeling. But somewhere between bitterness and feeling selfish for asking for something that clearly wasn't meant to be at the time, I quit. I quit asking.

     So enter again, this verse from Matthew, that came across my phone on a night when sleep seemed impossible. Thankfully, the words of truth seemed to come at a most opportune time and reminded me of the song I had leaned on for so long. The same song that had collected dust for the past year or so when I declared that I was done asking. Done. So much so that when this song came across my iTunes playlist, I'd quickly push Next. I didn't want to hear it anymore. I was trying to move on. I had been there and "asked" that already. But the words in Matthew 7:7 encouraged me to play the first verse of Ask in my head that night. The same first verse that got me past that 30 second taste test a few years ago:

What do you need?

What fears do you hide?

When you're on your knees

What tears do you cry?

Our Father knows your deepest hurt
Before you've ever said a word
But still He wants to hear your voice

When I think about what it is that I truly desire...I feel like I've asked a million times.  I'm confident that God already knows my heartache. And I'm confident that He already knows the desires of my heart. But perhaps, God was whispering to me that night with these powerful words from Matthew 7:7..."Lindsay, ask me again. Ask me and make that one million...and one."

One Little Word

     Shortly after Thanksgiving, we kicked-off our fundraising efforts with an amazing company called MudLOVE. A purchase from MudLOVE provides clean drinking water for one week to someone in the Central African Republic. These handmade clay bracelets have been such a blessing to our family and to others. Over the past month, we've ordered over 160 bracelets with words like agape, hope, blessed, faith, inspire, smile, hope, believe, create, and pray. In the last few weeks, we've unpacked 3 little boxes filled with a bunch of little words that have meant something to someone. One little word with a big impact...a daily reminder.

     As I sorted through each shipment, I packaged every bracelet into its own small bag with our Thank You card. Because we order in bulk, I always order more than what I have accounted for or sold. Fortunately, I've been able to order in increments of 5 which means if we have at least 1 person interested in a word...I'll go ahead and order it...and try to sell the remaining 4 bracelets. Inspire. Blessed. Faith. These words have been repeat orders with all 3 of our shipments. Grace. Hope. Strength. We've also had more than a few people request these little words too. Just before I placed our first order, a friend/coworker of mine requested the word "redeemed" on a bracelet. Our first shipment came and I packaged up her "redeemed" bracelet...tucking the other 4 away and making a note that they were available to sell. 

     Over the next few weeks, I kept thinking about these "redeemed" bracelets. I hadn't had anyone show a lot of interest in this particular word. And then I got to thinking about what that word even meant...to me. Did I truly understand the word myself? And then it hit me...like a ton of bricks. One night, as we were having a {fairly typical} "dance party" to our GOD IS GOOD playlist on iTunes, MercyMe's song Greater came on. Our kiddos know the lyrics by heart...and so do I. But this time, as we galloped around the living room, the lyrics spoke to me a little differently.

"Cause I hear a voice and He calls me redeemed

When others say I'll never be enough

And greater is the One living inside of me

Than he who is living in the world"

     Redeemed. He calls us redeemed. He calls our kids redeemed. When others might tell our kiddos they're not enough, He is greater than others...He is greater than any hurtful words or actions that might come their way. What a prayer for our children. In that instant, I knew exactly why I had those 4 remaining "redeemed" bracelets. 

     With New Year's Eve upon us, I've been seeing a lot of posts about people's one little word for 2015. Brave. Thrive. Create. Grow. Be. Grace. The list of words goes on and on. And while I may not have a word (yet) for 2015, Eric and I decided to gift our kids with their own OLW...not only for 2015 but beyond. 

Redeemed. 

     We sat the kiddos down tonight and played this song and danced our usual crazy dance. And then we explained our prayer and hope for them with their own "redeemed" bracelet. The smile on our oldest's face was priceless...so proud...so thankful. Landon was excited and obliged his mommy for a picture...but he's 3...so he asked if he could take it off so he could play basketball. And that was OK! This is their one little word much farther than tonight, much farther than 2015...and I'm so thankful for the future opportunities that we'll have to remind them about our prayer for this little word and its role in their lives.

     And if you'll notice in that picture below, we have our first gift to their brother or sister who we've not yet met. Because our prayer for our next son or daughter is that he/she knows He calls them redeemed too. Not only will he/she be enough for us, but they will be enough for our God.

Go Fund Someone Else

     Adoption is expensive. You've probably heard that, been told that, or perhaps you've even experienced that yourself. Bottom line: I know I'm not shocking you with anything you didn't already know. So when it comes to talking about the financial aspect of adoption...you probably aren't surprised when I say that I get a little queasy and weak in the knees just thinking about how we're going to fund this journey. This area was definitely a big fear factor for us as we decided between domestic and international adoption too. But as I began to engage with the adoption community (on social media in particular), I began to learn that fundraising was frequently used to raise money for the adoption process. This (new to me) concept of fundraising was equally as frightening as coming up with the money on our own. But I had seen several adoptive families raise money for their adoptions through a variety fundraisers...t-shirt sales, garage sales, auctions, handmade goods, etc. And as I participated in some of these fundraisers, I began to think about fundraisers our family might be able to do. I even began to formulate some ideas of my own. But as soon as the ideas began to unfold, fear quickly set in and made the present moment a little harder to breathe in... and then it became hard to comprehend just how we could make anything happen. Would anyone support our family's fundraisers? Times are tough. Money is tight. People have struggles of their own. So in these particular moments, I decide that we can't and won't fundraise. And then the vicious cycle begins again and I become fearful again about the financial aspect of growing our family.
   

    Now back to the title of this post...My friend and sister-in-law encouraged me to set up a gofundme site. I had heard of other adoptive families using this...so I decided to give it a try and set up our site. I edited our information about a million times. Did I use the right words? Did I use too many words? Was the goal too lofty? Was it not lofty enough? Was I really putting my trust in the Lord about this aspect of our adoption? I didn't even know anymore! After longer than it was probably supposed to take for me to complete the process, I hit the OK button and our profile page was complete...almost. Gofundme really encourages you to link your profile to Facebook. In fact, even after I hit "NO" when it asked me to connect to Facebook...it popped up another screen that asked me if I was "sure"...talk about peer pressure! But I can be stubborn...so I declined it again. And for the first three days, I received email after email from GoFundMe asking me to connect it to Facebook because that was the best way to receive donations. But I was too fearful. I can't ask people to donate money so we can grow our family. That's absurd!
     My sweet friend (who had encouraged me to set up our gofundme site) asked to shared our link on her Facebook business page...and I was so nervous about what would or wouldn't happen that I almost didn't "like" her status. Not only did I not want it to show up on my feed, I also didn't want to self-promote. See what I'm talking about here? FEAR! Giving up before I had even started...not trusting in Him. But God quickly revealed to us that while we can fund others' adoption journeys, others can and will fund our own personal journey too.
     Fast forward a week or so later...and I sat with our bible study girls at our last get-together before we would break for Christmas. My friend (who has been such an ENCOURAGEMENT in our adoption journey already) handed me a sheet of paper and said it was her "order"... Naturally, this raised questions among the group and forced allowed me to share my desire to use the company, MudLOVE, to start a fundraiser for our adoption. In this life, there are times when we need the push and encouragement of our friends. God has been so gracious in placing people in our life that can be His hands and feet. We began our MudLOVE fundraiser that day...because of that friend. And the response to our MudLOVE fundraiser has been overwhelming. Shortly after that night at bible study, I began to receive text messages from family and friends... with order after order...because they had shared our fundraiser and people wanted to purchase the bracelets we were selling. In a few short weeks, we have already placed and received our third order- totaling nearly 160 bracelets!
     On top of this...we've been humbled by people who have donated through our gofundme website and unexpected checks given to us in person or in the mail. Just in the last few weeks, we've received over $900 dollars to help with our adoption journey. This amount doesn't even include what our MudLOVE bracelets will add to our adoption fund. Wow. Just wow. Our family is going to grow. Eeek! And it's going to grow because of Him! Why can't I remember that?! It is His plan for us to pursue adoption and we are speechless at the favor He has shown to our family through this process already. Merry Christmas Eve to everyone! What an amazing gift we have been given in the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16.

   

The Lost

     During one of our church services this summer, our worship leader shared that he had been convicted that week about praying for the lost. As he continued on about his conviction, he asked the congregation to think of someone who might be lost...someone who we could pray for and lift up. Then he asked us to take a moment so that we could pray for that someone. I remember being overwhelmed with the feeling that I should pray for our son or daughter. For all we know, he/she may already be out there. We won't know the exact age of our child...but he/she could be out in the world right now...lost...needing to be found. So I did exactly what our worship leader asked us to do. I prayed. I prayed hard. I prayed for protection. I prayed for health. I prayed for love. I prayed for hope. Hope for our child, hope for us.

     On the first Sunday of Advent, our pastor spoke about the power of hope. He reminded us that hope comes from a place of darkness. Sometimes I think it's easy to associate hope with something good and not something that comes from darkness. Personally, I can say that there have been moments of darkness in our last year or so. But I can also say that out of our darkness, has come light...The Light. Naturally, I have a song that's been playing in my head and heart for the last week or so...

For all who wait
For all who hunger
For all who've prayed
For all who wander
Behold your King
Behold Messiah
Emmanuel, Emmanuel

The world waits for a miracle
The heart longs for a little bit of hope

     This is the bridge in Lauren Daigle's song Light of the World and it's been the cry of my heart during this holiday season- as I think about our son, or daughter... about anyone who might not know our Savior. 

     Will this next year or so be filled with more moments of darkness and hopelessness- for us and even for others? Of course. John 16:33 says, "In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." Did you read that second part? He has overcome the world. God can and will bring us out of those dark places because He is the Light of the World. He meets with those who are waiting. He satisfies those who are hungry. He listens to those who've prayed. He finds those who are wandering. Behold our King who brings hope to places of darkness. We are so thankful for the hope that the Light gives...and we cannot wait to share this Light with our son or daughter.

Perseverance

     Confession: This morning's sermon at church rocked my world...and I can probably say that my world wasn't the only one. *I probably don't even have to mention that I cried...because if you've learned ONE thing from this blog...it's that I cry. A lot.* Anywho, we've done a series called Harvest these past few weeks discussing obedience, generosity, and perseverance. Today our pastor talked about perseverance...more specifically, the enemies of perseverance...and selfishly, I felt like he was talking directly to me. Here were the 3 enemies of perseverance that our pastor shared:

     1. Fear- giving up before we even start, fear will hold you back to a life of nothing
          Right off the bat, enemy #1 shook me to my core. You see, we are in the baby stages of the adoption process. Baby, beginning stages. And the journey is going to be long. We know that. It's going to be emotional. We know that. It's going to be financially exhausting. We know that. And despite knowing all of "that," I've still battled fears for the last few days about how in the WORLD we expect this adoption to happen. Thoughts like "What were we thinking?!" creep in and out of my head. Couple that creeping thought with people's reactions when they hear what the international adoption price tag is these days. My fear grows a little more. You can see the look of shock in their eyes when you tell them $40,000 will grow your family. You go a step further and convince yourself they're wondering the same thing that you've often asked yourself. How in the WORLD are we going to pull this off? And these thoughts make me think about giving up. They make me want to give up before we've even started. But God reminds me these thoughts are Satan trying to inch in on the fears I have. Satan wants to pile these self-induced fears into an all-consuming  and paralyzing "I wanna run the other way" fear. The kind of fear that takes you out of the game before you even start.
          So I proceeded to write that second part of my note...."fear will hold you back to a life of nothing." And back on the roller coaster I go as I begin to tear up just THINKING about not following our hearts and His calling to grow our family through adoption. To let fear win and to be left with nothing. Left with nothing but the void and ache in my heart...well that emptiness makes me want to sprint back in the direction of our son or daughter and not ever look back. Fear is with the flesh. Perseverance is with the Lord.

     2. Failure- I didn't write any notes beside this enemy because I know there will be failures in these next few years. Recently, Eric and I experienced a shared failure in our lives...that quite frankly turned out to be a huge blessing. It didn't make a lot of sense at the time and we were discouraged and a little hopeless, but God allowed this failure to happen for a reason. A good reason. Admittedly,  we're still working through some of those discouraging feelings, but our prayer is that we'll continue to find peace and see Him in all our future failures throughout this journey.

     3. Fatigue- Again...piercing words into my soul. God KNEW the thoughts that have been racing inside my head so this enemy didn't need any notes either. But fatigue is going to be a big one. For example, we'll probably begin our home study in the next couple of months (only because some other things have to be approved before we can begin). And we've heard that the home study is pretty much like a full-time job. So naturally, we've heard that fatigue will be yet another enemy in this process. But remember what the sermon was about? Perseverance! So much hope can be found when we let God lead us and when we submit to His will for our lives.

     Our pastor ended his message on Perseverance with this video... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GA8z7f7a2Pk  I'll be honest, I spent the first few seconds watching this video, wondering how he was going to tie this in to the sermon. But as you watch for a minute or so...you see that the dancing becomes contagious and people begin running over to join in! Here was our pastor's point. That lone guy? That's Jesus. {Hammer. Nail. Wow.} You see, dancing to the rhythm of Jesus isn't the "norm" in this world. It's not always something that feels natural to us. But as we begin to dance to His rhythm and not our own...it pulls us in. Sure it may feel funny and fearful when you first start out and you're the only one. But then you stay...and you see that there's freedom in this dance and in this rhythm. And then you're joined by a few others who also begin dancing. And then a few more. And before you know it, there's a movement of followers...all dancing in this same rhythm...with freedom and without fear. Friends, we can't quit living to the rhythms of God. We have to keep to the beat of the Almighty Drummer and persevere. Amen.

   

1 Thessalonians 5:11

"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up..." 1 Thessalonians 5:11

     Believe it or not, that verse was first recited by our oldest a few years ago. Our child care giver worked with the kiddos on memory verses that corresponded to each letter of the alphabet. Yeah...she was awesome. We knew our kiddos were in great hands while we were at work...and there isn't a greater feeling that that! Anywho...1 Thessalonians was their "B" verse..."Be kind to one another and build each other up." Our oldest loved to recite this verse at the most opportune times. She definitely understood what was at the core of this verse. And truthfully, I always thought she was an excellent example of this verse because she is such an encourager.

     But then...we were blessed with this little man. And he is ALSO known in our family as the encourager of all encouragers. Today's post is dedicated to our (not so) little boy who can be heard saying the following phrases on any give day...

"Good job building, (to his sister)...you're a great builder!"

"I like your coloring, Mommy...you're a good colorer!"

"Daddy can do it...he's good at that..."

"Here...I can help you!"

"You make the best (fill in the blank with a food item that could have come out of a freezer aisle for all he knows), Mommy!"

     Our little boy is sweet. He is caring. Can he also be a pill? You bet. He's a boy. And he's 3. Those are both descriptions next to the word "pill" in the dictionary...along with words like messy and loud. But honestly, a big part of his personality revolves around doing things for others and using his words to encourage others.

     Just last week, we got his preschool report card. There were several social skills listed on it. Each skill was given a rating between 1 and 4. A rating of "1" meant the skill could not be done...while a "4" meant the skill was demonstrated on his own. Do you know what skill our little boy had one of his highest ratings on? Sharing. Were we surprised? Absolutely not. He's an others-oriented person. He doesn't cry when other kids take toys from him. He probably doesn't like it, but he isn't the kid who throws a fit and kicks and screams. He likes to serve other people. He likes to compliment other people. He's sensitive. *I always tell my husband that he'll make his wife very happy one day!* But truthfully, we can learn so much from our little guy. We can learn about kindness and the impact it makes on someone else's day. Nothing warms your heart more than when a 3 year old tells you you've just made the best cereal ever! Nothing. (I should probably let General Mills and Kellogg take the credit but...I don't. I smile and get all the warm fuzzies.) Our son has a great awareness of how to encourage and lift up those around him. 

     

     How many times during your day do you have the opportunity to encourage someone else? I often think about my day and reflect on how I have or haven't "built" someone up. And I definitely work in an environment where I could do a whole lotta encouraging! God uses people like you and me (and our little boy) to be that light in someone else's life. So today, I challenge you to go forth and encourage someone in the name of 1 Thessalonians 5:11.