A Bad Case of the Hiccups

     In March, after we had said YES to our son, we submitted an LOI (Letter of Intent- saying you have a desire to adopt your specific child). After your LOI, you are waiting for something called a Pre-Approval. This process typically takes a week. Except in our case...because we received our pre-approval the VERY NEXT day. This kind of timing definitely isn't ordinary. We were beyond excited that our process was gaining speed. I remember sitting down with a friend and talking about potential travel dates. She too was shocked that we had received such a quick LOI and in turn, LOA (Letter of Acceptance). She offered to go home and plug our important dates into a spreadsheet that can estimate your time of travel. Our "quick" travel date was April. Um...this was MARCH! YIKES! I almost couldn't wrap my brain around that quick of a turnaround. Our "normal" travel date was May. This fit much better with my obligations during the school year as a teacher. We were done at the end of May so I wouldn't have to take off a lot of time if we left before the last day of school.
     Our next big step was waiting for our I800. This step takes 4 weeks. It is not a part of the process that can be miraculously shorter. It's one of those "known" steps which can be a breath of fresh air when there are so many waiting periods of UNKNOWNS in this process. We sent our I800 application to our agency who then forwards it on to USCIS (United States Citizenship and Immigration Services). *Do you sort of feel like this post should have been named alphabet soup? So many acronyms!* Two weeks into our wait...we received a letter from USCIS. I was so anxious to open it up! Unfortunately, the letter was informing us that our application had been rejected due to a missing signature. I was in disbelief. We had missed one spot for Eric to sign. What was even more frustrating...was that our agency didn't catch it. This oops set us back TWO weeks. That may not seem like much in the grand scheme of things, but it felt like an eternity.
     Shortly after we sent in our corrected I800, we received our letter confirming that our application had been sent to our I800 officer. This means that we had two more weeks to wait before this specific step was complete. At the two week mark, I still hadn't heard anything. I had been reading from others online that you can call your USCIS officer and ask about the status of your application. I decided to do this...and was connected to a very kind officer. OUR kind officer. She shared that she had just sent us an RFE the day before and that if we had any questions about it...we could call her! Ok. So an RFE is a "Request for Evidence." This means our agency would need to supply more information to the officer for one reason or another. I was sick after hearing this news. I immediately called our social worker...who I could not get a hold of via phone. I tried email.
     A few minutes later, I received a phone call. I knew it wasn't our social worker because of the number. But I didn't recognize it. I answered quickly. It was our officer on the phone! She apologized about misspeaking just moments before. She actually had our application on her desk and had been trying to reach our social worker that week to discuss something about our paperwork. I explained that I could not get a hold of her either and so I went ahead and called our agency director of the China program. She called our officer immediately to find out the situation. In short, our home study listed some specific mild to moderate special needs that we were open to as a family. It was not an all-inclusive list, but it also did not use the phrase "including, but not limited to." Basically, our list COULD be interpreted as an all-inclusive list. Well, since we adopted our little guy off of the waiting child list...his SN wasn't named in our list of examples within the home study. *Now, I had called our SW several weeks prior to check on this specific situation because it was one of the things suggested to families in an email that was sent out. I was told it would be fine.* Our agency director remedied the situation but shared that the only place where this would turn into a problem again would be at the Article 5 process. It was worth the risk to continue on in our minds. Making amendments at this point meant more delays and more money.
     After the I800 process, you work through a series of steps to get you ready for the Article 5 pick up and drop off. This is done IN China at the Consulate...only on certain days...and it takes exactly 2 weeks. Again, this is a "known" step that cannot be hurried. We were finally set for A5 drop off on a Tuesday. A week later, we received an email saying that our A5 was ready for pick up the following Tuesday. All systems go. We were SO CLOSE! Except we weren't. On the day we were scheduled for pick up, we received an email that said our A5 could NOT be picked up due to missing information from Josiah's medical report. Our social worker explained that this situation was worked out between the Consulate and the CCCWA (China Center for Children's Welfare and Adoption). The agency has nothing to do with this issue and is hands-off. I was crushed. CRUSHED. Yet another hiccup. We were already into June and there was no end in sight. I waited and waited...but heard nothing. I reached out to others online and this problem was not new to some. In some cases, the issue was resolved within a couple of days. In other situations, it was resolved within a couple of weeks. I felt paralyzed. I emailed our social worker...but heard nothing back. I emailed the director and she called me right away. She said that she would look into the situation after a week had passed...and if we had still heard nothing. If the email said it was missing medical information, then that's what it was...except that it wasn't. A week passed and still crickets. The agency director called...and learned that the Consulate was actually waiting on a new I800 from us. WHAT!? This was NOT the issue we were told at first and now an entire week was wasted (again) because we couldn't get involved. I was unraveling fast. All I knew to do was gather our prayer warriors and pray. We literally heard the phrase "In my 16 years of working with China, we've never had this happen." The issue was in fact our worst nightmare. The issue we had with our I800 was now rearing its ugly head at the point of the process where it would only be an issue...the Article 5 process.
     Even more ironic than the occurrence of this problem was that the issue was actually being asked to be resolved by USCIS. This was truly a God-thing. Typically, this problem is asked to be fixed by the adoptive family. We would need to update our home study to match the wording of our son's SN. This means our social worker would need to come and visit and then make changes to our home study which we would then have to resubmit for I800 (4 week process). I could barely travel there in my mind. We were grateful that this was not yet the case, and prayed for favor from USCIS in this unprecedented situation. We should know something in a few days. Miraculously, the situation was remedied and we did NOT have to delay our process any longer. Our A5 was picked up and we were officially waiting on TA (Travel Approval)!
     TA typically comes within 7-10 days of your Article 5 pick up. Our pick up was on June 5/6...and as of now, we've heard nothing. I emailed our travel person because I was truly hoping for a June family day still...only to hear that the earliest available family day for us was July 3. July. This was not even a month I had wrapped my mind around. I didn't even think it was possible. July is my last true month of summer break before school starts. I don't have enough sick time built up to take time off at the beginning of the year...unpaid leave is now inevitable. Admittedly, in times like these, it is HARD to understand that God's timing is perfect. My lists of "cons" can get long, quickly. To make matters even more interesting, no TAs have been issued because the TA office is apparently moving offices. I almost laugh now. Almost. We also heard that the TA officer was on vacation last week. In my own little world, it's me vs. China. Doesn't China know that my son is in an orphanage waiting for his MOMMY AND DADDY to come and get him?! Doesn't China care? But, I am one person. And there are lots of families just like us that are anxiously waiting to bring home their son or daughter. They're experiencing the same agonizing wait that we've experienced...with no urgency on China's part. But, I have to remember that I cannot be selfish. People in China are allowed to take vacation. They are also allowed to move offices just like government offices do here in the U.S. We are not dissimilar in these ways. <Stop being selfish, Lindsay.>
     Adoption is such a refining process. And I can be so unwilling to be refined. And lately, I have not wanted to be patient. But God calls us to be patient. He asks us to trust. Trust in Him. Trust in His timing. And I know that this bad case of hiccups will be over with soon...and our son will be in OUR arms at the most perfect time. HIS time. Not ours.

Josiah

     So as I've shared before...I wear my heart RIGHT on my sleeve. I can be <slightly> impulsive with my feelings. I recently saw a shirt that said "I can't keep calm because...ORPHANS." Annnnnnd I'll probably need that shirt sooner than later. I can obsess about situations that tug at my heart strings...which are easily tugged. In short (or long), I am basically an emotional ball of MESS. I'd still like to think of this quality as both good and bad though. Ok? Ok.
     Like take the day almost five years ago when I bought a baby bag...before I had a baby. Yeah. Makes sense, right? Well, maybe if you were actually pregnant. But I wasn't. I wanted to be pregnant (again)...but I wasn't yet. But there I was...at the Vera Bradley Outlet sale...buying a baby bag. That's what I do. That's how I roll. The irony is that we would experience secondary infertility for the next four-ish years. While those were some of the most trying times in our marriage...I grew and learned so much about my relationship with Christ. In short, I NEED Christ. Badly. Moving on!
    Now let's take the day about three years ago when I was in TJ Maxx and saw the cutest wooden letter J. There it was...sitting on a shelf...staring at me. Before I could blink, there the J jumped...into my cart. Ok fine. It didn't jump. I snatched that letter RIGHT up though! Why, you ask?! Because I have liked the name "Josiah" for a long time and I really wanted to name a little boy Josiah. OUR little boy.
    Recap: I had a baby bag, but no baby. I also had a letter J, but no baby boy to name Josiah. Ok, great. We're on the same page! Emotional ball of mess. It's who I am! But, God! Remember? Let's fast forward to six months ago when we began our journey to our sweet and precious boy.
    When we received our first pictures of our little guy...I immediately remembered my boy name...Josiah! He looked like a Josiah. (Of course he did!) But again, I wanted to get Eric's opinion and see what he was thinking. And then I looked up the meaning of Josiah. And the decision process pretty much ended before it even began. Josiah means "healed or supported by God." Of course it does! I made sure I typed in the right spelling. I checked a few other sites. "Healed or supported by God." All across the board. At that moment, I broke down and cried. It was truly the PERFECT name for our sweet and precious boy.
    You see...we haven't shared our Josiah's special need with anyone. This is for several reasons. Mostly, there's a lot of unknown. We don't want to share something that we don't know much about. We want to get him home so we can fully understand what's going on and how we can help him. We also don't want his special need to define him. Says every Mama Bear in the history of ever. Someone recently told me...that he doesn't look like he has a special need. And honestly, it broke my heart a little. I know this comment was not meant to be hurtful. But this comment is exactly why we aren't sharing until we know more. And even then, we'll be careful to protect our sweet Josiah...because whether God heals Josiah PHYSICALLY...we KNOW our God will heal Josiah SPIRITUALLY...and we believe our God can heal Josiah EMOTIONALLY. Josiah, you are loved. You are treasured. You are HIS. And we love you so.so.much.

Snail Mail and China

     Two weeks. Fourteen days. Three hundred and thiry-six hours. What can be accomplished in this amount of time? Well, I'm here to tell you...enough. Enough can happen when God is in control.
     When we were given the file of our little guy, there was a lot of uncertainty. We were overwhelmed by the unknown. There were terms in his file that we had never heard before. And then there was this shortened time frame. We had a LOT of learning to do in not so much time. SO, like many other situations before, I immediately began to do some research on my own. Enter: Google! I've typed many a word into a Google search throughout our adoption journey. And like many scenarios in life, you get the good with the bad. The scary with the hopeful. Annnnnd everything in between.
     I also took the advice of many adoption agencies and consulted a doctor well-versed in international adoptions. I had spoken with a doctor out of Cincinnati Children's Hospital a few years ago when we had wanted to review a file of a little one in South Korea. It was a wonderful experience and they were so impressive. This time, however, I decided to reach out to an IAC that was slightly closer to home. Admittedly, I didn't know this IAC existed a few years ago when we had first begun our adoption process. I made the initial phone call to seek out financial information and how their process typically worked. I was super surprised when I was given the doctor's personal cell phone number. I called and had an amazing conversation with this doctor. She told me to forward her the file, pictures, videos, etc. and she would be in touch.
     A day later, she sent measurement and growth charts with all of his data plotted. She also shared a wonderful list of follow-up questions to send to the orphanage. I immediately forwarded these questions to our social worker. Remember, we're down to crunch time at this point. The clock was ticking. Our social worker responded that she would most certainly send our questions to the orphanage. She also made sure to inform us that it was possible that we would not receive a response.
     China. Adoption. International. Any and all of these words remind you quickly that this is not an "ask and you shall receive" type of scenario. But Eric and I decided to pray and wait. We basically decided that if we did not hear back from China, we would take that as a "Not now" answer to this little guy. We wanted to have complete peace about whether we were the right family for this little boy and his special needs.
     On March 9th, we received an email with an updated video and updated answers to almost all of our questions. This email was an absolute answer to prayer! We still had a little bit of time to make a decision we felt peaceful about. As we watched the updated video, we both smiled from ear to ear. Immediately, I felt as though this boy was OURS. I tend to be the more heart-headed person in our marriage so I didn't want to jump to conclusions...so I asked Eric what he thought. We spent the next several hours talking a LOT about what was going on in our hearts. The next day, I spoke on the phone with our IAC doctor. She shared a lot of positive things based on our update we had received. She also shared the scary things. I fully expected her to say the things she said. She's a doctor. And I don't expect her to understand our hearts and the calling we truly felt God was placing on our hearts. She had a couple of questions she wanted us to ask the orphanage as a follow-up to the information we were given. Discrepancies. That's another word you can just go ahead and expect to experience with those three words I talked about earlier. China. Adoption. International. I sent them to our social worker knowing it was almost impossible to hear back from China in time. We were down to five days. Five days before our agency lost his file. Our social worker said she'd be happy to send the follow-up questions, but reminded us of the time crunch.
     Eric and I talked around the kitchen island that night. We discussed a lot of things. Deep down, we both know our decision didn't hang on whether or not we heard back from China again. We both felt peace about helping our little guy with whatever he may need. He was OUR boy! Now, remember, I'm the heart-headed person...so I pretty much wanted to SHOUT THIS FROM THE ROOFTOPS! But Eric said to give it a couple of days to see if we heard back. Actually typing that sentence out makes me a little queasy. WHY DID I LISTEN TO HIM!? But I did. I waited.
     Our social worker emailed me on March 14th letting us know she had not heard from the orphanage and we would need to make a decision. I replied QUICKLY with our resounding "YES! We are overjoyed at the chance to be his forever family!" The icing on the cake was that this email exchange took place at 10:20AM. At 11:02AM, we received our second update from the orphanage. Wow, God!
     The next few hours were a blur. I had until 4PM Central time of that SAME DAY to submit a host of documents. And I was at work. And we had to leave immediately after school to take one of the kiddos to the doctor. Soo when was I going to type of these documents and scan them back!? AHH! Well, praise the Lord...I had not yet had my conference period that day! It begins at noon. And lasts for 40 minutes. I don't think I've ever accomplished SO MUCH in so little time. But, GOD!
    In two weeks, God orchestrated the most perfect journey to our sweet and precious boy. He showed up and showed off. We are so grateful for all of the ways the Lord met us along the way and gave us an indescribable peace about our SON! His timing is truly always perfect.

Meet our SWEET AND PRECIOUS BOY!

A Nudge

     I first "met" our son on January 8th. Of course, at the time, I didn't know this bit of information. I only saw his picture come across our agency's Instagram account. Our agency was in the middle of their #onewaitingchild campaign where they prayed for a little one's file each day. Naturally, his sweet and squishy face melted this Mama's heart. Been there. Done that. Several times. I'm often melted by the faces of these sweet and precious waiting children! This little guy captured a deeper spot in my heart though. And for the next month and a half, I thought about this little boy often. (Read: I stared at his pictures several times each week.)
     If you know anything about me, you know my heart is tender. Like way tender. I'm always the awkward person crying when someone else cries. I'm sorry. It's who I am. So my obsession with this little boy may not surprise you. But as I said...this was different. At the time, all I knew to do was pray. Every time I thought about him...I'd send up a little prayer.
     You see, just a month prior to "meeting" our son, our social worker had called us and told us about some program changes they were seeing within China. When we first began our China process more than a year ago, we were told the matching process for a home study like ours would be 2-3 months for a boy and 4-6 months for a girl. Since we were open to both, we were told we would likely be matched with a boy. Perfect. Wonderful. 2-3 months. Bam. Let's do this, China!
     Unfortunately, there were several other families with home studies just.like.ours. And so our agency was noticing that the wait for matching with a boy or girl was looking more like 6 months or even MORE. More!?!? By this time, we had been on this journey since November of 2014. (Sidenote: I actually had to look that up because I was second guessing 2014. It's felt like an eternity and yet I still can't believe we've actually been journeying for that long.) Hearing this news was definitely heartbreaking. I remember receiving the call in the hallway just as my students were coming in from recess. I held back tears as our social worker apologized for the disappointing news. Obviously, this was nothing she could control. But I appreciated her apology. I sucked it up and said what anyone would say..."I'm sure God has a good reason for this wait!" I plastered a smile on my face for 15 more minutes until my kiddos went to their specials class and let out a few goooooood tears.
     I called Eric to share my frustration and to cry some more, but we still came up with a list of "pros" about this program change. We were in total defense mode. 1. It'll give us more time with Emmaline. She wasn't even ONE yet! And then there's Sydney and Landon who are smack dab at the end of their school years. 2. I'll be able to finish teaching the school year because I have like NO sick days to travel to China and unpaid leave is uber expensive. 3. We have plenty of time to gather the remaining $20K that we need to finish our adoption. Alright, God. I get it. This will be ok. We will be OK. Fine.
     And stillllllll, I could not get this program change out of my head. Not because it was disappointing and frustrating. (It was most certainly both of those things!) But because it was aligning all too well with a nudge I had felt in that deeper part of my heart for a while. The nudge that began as a whisper and was turning more into a yell. The nudge that I had ignored and defended for far too long. This nudge...to consider a kiddo that might not match things written into our home study. This nudge to step outside what we might have once considered comfortable in 2014.
     Now...fast forward back to January 8th and the day I first laid eyes upon our sweet little boy. His face was constantly in the back of my mind. For fifty-one days. He's all I could think about. And so like I said, that nudge slowly turned into a shove with each passing day. On February 28th, I finally talked with Eric about what I had been feeling and told him again about this little boy that I had showed him back in January. He agreed that we should at least see if his file was still available. So I emailed our social worker and began the email with a safe and defensive "I'm sure his file probably isn't available...but" because you know, you have to be guarded sometimes. It's a human thing. And while I shouldn't have been, I was surprised when our social worker quickly responded with the words..."I would love to share his file with you! He has not been matched with a family yet and we only have his file until March 15!"
     February 28th. March 15th. That's 15 days. I'm so grateful God's nudge turned into a SHOVE! Sometimes we stand on the edge...afraid to jump in...I've written about this sort of thing before, I know. But boy oh boy, I cannot thank God enough for the nudge He began in me that helped us meet our son. The next two weeks leading up to March 15th were a wild ride and I cannot wait to share with you all the ways in which God worked with us and our little guy! Is God nudging you about something? I'm here to tell you...He nudges for very good reasons. Very.good.reasons.

   
   

Name Four Things

     Hello, world! It's me again. I believe I've been absent for roughly 376 days...but who's counting? Ok fine, I am. (Did I even do that math correctly?!) Either way, absence has made my heart grow fonder...fonder of several things lately...but one of which is this little ole spot in cyberspace.
     A week or so ago, I had wandered over to my dad's house with Landon...we were killing time while Sydney was at a Girl's Scout camp just around the corner. I was sick...I was tired...I was tired of being sick and tired. To add a little cherry on top, I had just realized that we actually missed the first day of camp because I had written down the wrong dates. Swell. Just swell. And as I'm sure you can tell, my attitude was equally as lovely as all of this "stuff." To accentuate the matter, my dad had the audacity to ask me to name something that was good in my life. Did he not know that now was NOT the time?! No, no, no he didn't. Who am I kidding? He did. He most certainly did. But, you know? Sometimes you just want left alone. You want the freedom to just sit back and not engage in conversations that require a lot of effort. Sometimes, you just want to simply be in the moment. Nothing more. Nothing less.
     Well...fast forward to a week later and this SAME conversation came up around the table after Easter dinner. This time, my younger sister had posed the question to her daughter. "Name 4 things you're passionate about (I think this was the wording)." Admittedly, I sat on pins and needles waiting to hear my niece's answer because she was being put in the same {uncomfortable} situation I had been in not too long ago. She named one. Slooowly came two. But, as we'd say in my Kindergarten classroom...she "needed more thinking time." I half-smiled and related to her response or lack of...expecting to move on to a different topic or stare at each other in silence. But ohhhh no. I wasn't going to escape this situation again. The question was then posed to me. ME! Again!
     I gave a slight laugh and paused. I quickly named two sports that I haven't played in sixteen years. What?! I stuttered and stumbled and came up with another passion I had {what seemed} eons ago. And then my sister obliged me by offering this token- "And you like writing..." I quickly grabbed a hold of her help and let the question move to my 7 year old and 3.5 year old cohorts. Naturally, Sydney asked if she could name MORE than four. Oh to be a kid again!
     So....writing. Yeah. Yeah, I do like to write. While I was grateful that my sister helped me to remember the fact that I do enjoy writing...I was also saddened that my sister had to help me remember the fact that I do enjoy writing. Writing is truly FUN for me. I would even LOVE to author a children's book one day. *I'm still holding out for my sister to be my illustrator.* But, why hadn't I sat down to type a single word in the last 370-some days? There's the obvious answers like...I had a baby. But she's ONE so that isn't the greatest excuse anymore. I work full-time...that's decent. But I also scroll through my social media accounts each night before I go to bed instead of choosing to do something like, say...write!
     Ironically, my oldest sister had posed a question to Eric and I earlier that same day...she wanted to know how we coped with living in a high-stress situation {read: adopting while raising 3 other kiddos concurrently} We basically didn't have a good excuse...I think we said something like..."We laugh a lot?" HA! I.don't.even.know. Clearly, we're expert copers. {<---sarcasm}
     But writing! People, I like to write! Writing is a way that helped me cope through a lot of my infertility journey. And sooooo I am choosing to hold ON to this passion. I'm dusting off the cobwebs. For myself. Because when I'm old and gray...and my kids have families of their own...I want a leg to stand on. I want an identity that can change through each season of life. I love being a writer. I can write as a mother. I can write as a friend. I can write as a teacher and as a sister. Writing is something that I can identify with in several areas of my life. So here's to writing and sharing bits and pieces of my life and my heart along the way.
     Phew. Ok. That was a wild post...but thanks for stopping by! I do have so much to write and share with you all. You know, things like...we have a SON! And...we get to bring him home this summer! And...he's only a month older than our Emmaline! You know...stuff like that. But until then...just do me one little favor. Name four things you're truly passionate about and then think about how those passions are playing out in your life...right now. And if you're bold enough...do something about those passions. Right now.

Before 6...comes 5

     1, 2, 3, 4, 5! FIVE! As of March 22, 2016 at 3:39PM...our family of 4 became a family of 5 with the arrival of our precious girl, Emmaline Elyse. She was born at 37 weeks and 6 days...arriving almost exactly a week before my scheduled c-section- just like her older brother! While her birth story was not one that was necessarily expected, it was full of God's grace, faithfulness, and protection. I can say without a doubt that we are all smitten with our new little bundle and we are enjoying the adjustment she's brought to our family. Sleeplessness, dark circles, and all.

     Our daily routines definitely look a bit different right now. My recovery this time was harder than my previous two surgeries...so my first week or two home was definitely rougher than anticipated! BUT, I am grateful to be back among the living and have enjoyed these new daily routines. For example, Landon stays home with me on his "off-school" days now and I get to pick up Sydney from Kindergarten. I have tried to keep these two things as consistent as possible- whether I've had less sleep the night before or whether Miss Emmaline needs to eat at the EXACT moment I need to leave to pick up the kiddos on time. And for the most part, it's worked out really well. Sydney and Landon have been more than understanding and forgiving of my schedule and their little sister's attachment to Mommy. And again, I am so grateful for this smooth transition. It's been an answered prayer to say the least.

     While we have been in a whirlwind of activity with our newest addition, we have also had a lot of activity with our NEXT precious bundle- the little one who will make us a family of SIX! I wanted to update everyone on where we are in the adoption process again since it's been a while. Now that Emmaline has arrived, we have ONE more visit with our social worker and we can begin to finalize our home study. *Our social worker has been a PEACH to work with and slowed down our home study a bit so she could include Emmaline. This saved us a lot of money as we would have had to pay for an "update" to our home study if it would have been finalized before Emmaline's birth.* We do have some more paperwork to complete and some other appointments that need to be made, but those items can hopefully be crossed off now that I'm on maternity leave. Ironically, my maternity leave has been looked at as a GREAT time to check these things OFF...teaching and coaching basketball left me very little time to accomplish these things between the business hours of 8AM and 5PM. No one ever seemed to answer my phone calls after 5PM...Hmmmm. Eric and I also have some trainings to complete as part of our educational requirement for our home study. Most are online classes that we can take at our own pace and on our own time- although we do need to be diligent with the timing of these trainings. This slight flexibility is helpful with our different schedules though. And it might come in extra handy when we need to pass the time during those early morning feedings! While Eric can't always help with the "feeding" part, he has been very helpful with diaper changes and burping so I can catch a few winks here and there.

     Once our home study is finalized, we can begin applying for grants and other financial aid to help with our process. We've also considered hosting another fundraiser or 2. This area continues to be something at the forefront of my prayer list as we get further and further into our process. We'd covet your prayers in this area too! Thank you!

     Once Emmaline is about 3 months old, we'll hopefully be at a point where we can begin the MATCHING process. Our agency prefers our file to be "on hold" until our youngest is around this age so it allows for an easier travel time. Basically, Emmaline will be slightly older when we'd need to travel to China which would make our travel plans more conducive to having little ones at home. Since we are still working on our file and eventually, working towards completing our dossier (GIANT packet of paperwork being sent to China)...we'll work for the next couple of months to get to a point where we're ready to match.

     I have been blown away at the provisions God has allowed in this process already. The timing has been His timing and not our own. We've had roadblocks and set backs, but we've also had victories and triumphs- both big and small. One of the biggest victories I've seen so far has been with Sydney and Landon. I've always had more peace than concern about their transition with all of our family changes. And time and time again, my peace has been solidified as our adoption has continued to be recognized by both of them. They've already planned how our "toddler" (this is what they call our little one) will fit into the minivan. Just the other day, Sydney explained that "The toddler can sit in the way back with me and Landon can stay in the middle with Emmaline. This way we can both watch out for them, Mom!" Comments like these make me so happy and thankful for God's plan and the story He's building with our family.

     And then there's Landon. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, he goes to preschool. Part of his morning routine is a morning question that each student answers. Well this past Friday, Eric had dropped Landon off...so when I brought him home after school...it was natural for Eric to ask Landon what his question was for that day. Here was the question: How many people are in your family? Landon quickly shared that he answered SIX! Immediately, he followed up with "Is that right, Daddy?" Eric and I both smiled at each other...because while we are physically, a family of 5...emotionally, we ARE a family of SIX!

Unfolding {Part 2}

     It's shortly after 7 this morning...and I'm sitting in the sobering darkness of a quiet house. Life has been anything but quiet lately. And so, when I (unexpectedly) woke up as Eric left for sound practice at church this morning, I walked downstairs for my decaf and my computer. To write. To share. To simply be...in the quiet of a house...a house that typically isn't at rest.

     As I reread my {Part 1} post, I had to chuckle because I was 17 weeks along...and now, my computer scarcely fits on my lap due to a nearly 31 week belly. Ha! While I have just 8 weeks left before we meet our sweet baby GIRL, I wanted to sit down and take advantage of this quiet space to  share things that have been on my heart. It's been a little while...but so much has happened. So let's try to wrap up some of my loose ends from Part 1. I'll begin this post with the group: Fund the Nations. Check out their website here!

     I first came across FTN via Instagram which is probably not shocking to those who know me. I love connecting with shops and other adoption accounts on IG. It truly is a great community in that aspect. Fund the Nations helps create t-shirts for fundraising purposes and their designs are some of the most unique I've seen. If you've read any of my previous posts, fundraising is still a hard topic for us to swallow. We've wrestled with the idea a lot. In fact, we've been fairly quiet on that front since a couple of fundraisers (hosted by our dear friends) last Spring. The concept of a t-shirt was no different. I struggled with even contacting FTN to gather information. But after much deliberation and prayer, I decided to email FTN with nothing to lose. After all, t-shirts seem to be a popular fundraiser and I've been known to buy a t-shirt or 2 as a way to help other adoptive families. Maybe we could also give it a try...

     On July 31, 2015...I heard from Ricky, a Fund the Nations coordinator. The process was super simple and he assured me there was no pressure to go ahead with the design until we were ready. The minimum order was just 13 shirts. This felt like a good option. Then came the designing part. What would people want to wear? Would people even wear our t-shirt? I had zero idea. Thankfully, it wasn't dependent on my wealth (or lack) of creativity. Ricky asked me a set of questions about scripture that had stuck out to us on our journey, colors, type of t-shirt, the country we were adopting from, etc. I had mentioned a few verses, but kept coming back to our Blog Name and Steven Curtis Chapman's song. Glorious Unfolding. And then there was the country. Since we were still filling out MOUNTAINS of paperwork for South Korea, I hesitated. I deleted this particular detail at least 10 times. A part of me was afraid to put South Korea. Not because we would back out, but because it felt like such a tall mountain to climb yet. And all I could think about was the verse from Matthew 17:20. He replied, "Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." 

     Doubting this was doubting our Creator who could accomplish anything. And so I submitted our answers and shared our heart to adopt from South Korea. I wasn't even sure how he would use our country in his design and IF he would at all. After receiving our responses and feedback, Ricky sent me our design on August 4, 2015. August 4, 2015. That date should sound familiar from Part 1. And truthfully, it was breathtaking. That may seem like a silly phrase for a t-shirt...but I assure you...when you have ZERO idea of what you want a t-shirt to look like and someone (who you do NOT know) creates a perfect design of your heart...you use the word breathtaking.

     And so in the background was South Korea. The birth country of our son or daughter. I received this email at 6PM on August 4, 2015. This was about 8 hours after I had taken a pregnancy test and found out that we were now expecting. Expecting a baby was the only thing that would stall our process with South Korea. The only thing that would potentially remove us from the South Korea program. We signed and notarized papers weeks prior that stated our knowledge and acceptance of this fact. So here we were...overjoyed at the HUGE ANSWER to prayer that God had given us...new life...growing inside my tummy. A tummy that we thought was unable to do just that...grow new life. And yet, part of my heart was breaking...because I knew what this meant for our relationship with our agency and our country program. It was over. Wrestling with such opposite emotions is difficult. I felt ungrateful and grateful at the same time.

     I emailed Ricky and explained our circumstance and he was more than understanding. He told me we could sit on our design as long as we needed to even! There was a part of me that felt foolish for going down this path...after I had hesitated so much to even begin the inquiry process. But, truly, there's nothing foolish about God's plan. If anything, this t-shirt and our blog name has an even deeper meaning now in our story...in our journey. God had just continued to unfold our story at this point. A story that we had started more than 4 years ago...with unexpected twists and turns. There's been lots to unfold and unpack along the way. And again, I am eternally grateful that HE is the author and the illustrator of such a story.