29

     Twenty-nine. The significance of twenty-nine probably doesn't mean a whole heck of a lot, unless you're someone like me...someone who counts. I'm a counter. Believe me, counting is not something I've always done..but I've learned to be pretty good at it.

    Normally, I'm good at counting to twenty-four. Sometimes twenty-five or twenty-six. But never twenty-nine. That's not a number I count to...except this last time. I counted to twenty-nine. Twenty-nine is a very different number than twenty-four. It's even enough different than twenty-five or twenty-six. But I counted to twenty-nine and then...just like that...it was time to start over...beginning at number one.

     The number one began with other counting too.  I counted the number of bedrooms in our house. I counted the number of occupied seats in our car. I counted a lot of other things that made the number twenty-nine hurt even more. But then I began to count the number of papers and appointments we've already checked off our list. The number of things we'd have to do all over again if I counted past twenty-nine. And once again, I'm thankful that I'm good at counting to twenty-four because I don't like counting to twenty-nine.

     Someday, I hope I lose the art of counting. The only thing I want to count...is the moment right in front of me...staring at me and asking me to do something with it. Embrace it. Love it. Be grateful for it. Share it with the people around me. Somedays that's easier said than done. But here's to not counting...at least not to twenty-nine.

Are we crazy?!

     Some may answer this question undoubtedly "Yes"...while others may think it's still up for debate. I've asked this question myself more than once in this process already.  But thankfully, one of South Korea's requirements is a psychological examination. So we can pay someone $800 to answer this question for us! Ha!

     All jokes aside though...we began the psychological examination process a few weeks ago. We were told there was a six week wait for new patients. This news made me slightly nervous since we have a deadline for this part of the home study. I called our case worker and she explained that this was a fairly typical timeline for most families in this stage. She didn't think it would be a problem.

     Upon calling our soon-to-be psychologist and telling her that the six-week time frame would work, she let me know that if Eric and I were open to being called when she had a cancellation...it could be sooner. And we have been SO blessed by God's timing. Due to three cancellations in the last couple of weeks, we're almost finished with our entire process already! We've got 2 visits down and 1 to go. And after tonight...we'll have completed our 2nd required test. Let me tell ya, I am really looking forward to answering 500 true and false questions. Eric is doing this same test as I type. I'm hopeful he's alive when I switch spots with him in an hour. Ironically, he just texted me and he's only 100 questions in...pray, friends!

     On top of the amazing timing of cancellations though, we have also been SO fortunate to have someone (that can complete our specific requirements) who is literally 5 minutes from our house. For example, I received an email from our other case worker talking about another family going through the South Korea program. This family is located within an hour of us and they were having trouble finding anyone to do their psychological examination. But, they had finally found someone and wanted to pass along the psychologist's information to us. I love the community that we're already experiencing with this adoption. While we were grateful for their thoughtfulness, we had already started our process with someone very close to us! WAHOO!

     God is working in so many big and small ways and I wanted to check in and let you know where we are in the process! Now, I've gotta run and go show off my sanity! Have a great week, friends!

Ephesians 3:20...Part 2

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his might power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

Ephesians 3:20

     Before school started, we had put in an offer on a house. While this house wasn't officially on the market, we came to an agreement with the seller that if we sold our house, we would buy their's. We were thankful the sellers were more than willing to work with us and give us a "first" shot at buying their house. It was the PERFECT location...within walking distance to my school. Our children's school. Perfect. Under our contingent contract, we were given x amount of days to sell our house... simply because it was a contingent offer and this family was moving out of state. They couldn't sit on it forever. We understood that, but it seemed like the perfect situation. Great location. 4 bedrooms. Just what we wanted.

     Well Thanksgiving rolled around and our "contingent offer" expired. It was discussed that the owners would try and sell the house on their own. If our house would happen to sell soon, we could still have first "dibs" on their property. As time went on and with no movement on our end, we began to discuss other avenues of trying to make this situation still work out. There just weren't solutions that made sense and we kept praying about it. We really felt like God would provide for us in this circumstance. If it was to be our house, we knew God would make a way for it to happen. At one point in time, this house was even thought to be sold, but something fell through. With each changing scenario, we couldn't help but pray for God's will with this house. Was this all working out for a reason?

    Fast forward to February... It was a Thursday and I was coaching my girls' basketball team. We had just lost a heartbreaker...by 1 point. As I left the locker room, I sat on the bench (in between games) and got out my phone. I always check my phone in between games to make sure our kiddos have made it home with Eric, etc. I had a message from the seller of "the house". He was apologizing and letting us know that they had sold their home. I immediately texted back a "Congrats!" message. We were so grateful they could move on. We truly were. And honestly, we had just felt like God was telling us "no" on this house.

     Three days later...on Sunday...we were asked to show our house at 1:00. That night, we were asked to show this same couple our house AGAIN on Wednesday. Wow. That was quick, God! On Monday, the couple that came through our house (just on Sunday) put their house up for sale. On Tuesday, they made a "contingent" offer on our house. By Thursday, we had come to an agreement and accepted their contingent offer. On Friday morning, we learned that they had sold their home which meant we had sold our home. WHAT!? Let's recap. We find out on a Thursday that the house we had been looking at has sold. Less than a week later, we have sold our house. Friends, that is ONLY a God-thing. It became crystal-clear that the house with the "perfect" location was not the perfect house for us.

     Now for a few extra God-details...we are in the middle of a master bathroom remodel. It was understood that this project would be finished before we sold it. The message was passed on to anyone that came through our house. Well...our bathroom still isn't finished, but Eric was making headway on it. Well during the second showing of our house, the buyers brought their own contractor through the house. {Scary} They found some issues that quite frankly were just that...scary. The kind of stuff that makes you want to throw up. BUT they wanted the house "as it was"...meaning the bathroom did NOT need to be finished. While Eric wasn't quite sure whether he should be offended, I was praising God! This project had already been dragging on for several months. And finishing it just seemed impossible. And to have a buyer come through and ask us not to finish it? HALLELUJAH! They also waived the home-inspection which helped save money for us. Again, another detail to His perfect plan.

     Things are beginning to fall into place ...and we are so grateful for answered prayers. We'll close on our house in mid-April and move at the end of the month. To where? Well, we will just see! Praising Him as we have about two months to finish up our home study...we're so thankful that selling our house is off our to-do list. Trust me when I say we have SEVERAL other things we need to cross off our to-do list.

Ephesians 3:20..Part 1

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his might power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

Ephesians 3:20

     Life is happening fast. Faster than I can stand. And yet...there's this peace amongst my chaos. A peace that I have in spite of it all...because that's the only thing I've been praying for in the last month. The only thing.

     Peace isn't something that comes naturally to someone who has just been given a task list of 43 items that need to be complete before we can start our "official" home study. That's just not a typical response to such a large, seemingly insurmountable list of to-do items. "Here Lindsay, have some peace. Oh, and by the way, you have x amount of days to complete these tasks."

     Peace? No. The words that come to mind have been more like panicked, stressed, defeated, overwhelmed...to name a few. And for more moments than I'd like to admit, I've let these words define me. 

     On top of this, you have other happenings. Lots of other happenings. For example, LIFE. (read: teaching, coaching, being a mom, being a wife, and selling a house) See? Happenings. 

     Selling a house you might ask? And trying to get ready for a home study? We like to make things interesting, don't we?! The truth is...we put our house on the market before school started (knowing full-well it may take us a year to sell in this market). This was before we signed on with our adoption consultant and before we applied to our agency. Our oldest starts Kindergarten next year and we'd like to move to the school district where she'll be attending. The same district Eric and I graduated from...and of course, it's where I teach. It's also the community where we attend church and where we spend time with our families. Moving just makes the most sense to us. But things that make sense aren't always easy, right? 

   So here we are...with a house to sell...working towards our home study...with a house to sell...so someone can visit our home...which may or may not be sold...needing to take pictures of our living spaces and bedrooms to send to our agency and to South Korea...which may or may not be in our current house... Dilemma. Stress. Life.

     But remember, HE is able to accomplish far more than we could even ask or think. I can't wait to share what the Lord has accomplished in our lives this last month. Stay tuned, friends! Our story is a true testimony to His plan and His perfect timing.

     

Our Foster Mom

     Part of the adoption process is logging hours of coursework and trainings as you wait to become parents...again...or for the first time. Our agency requires all adoptive families to complete what they call a "pre-adoption seminar"...it outlines their approach as an agency, the overview of each country's program, and a lot of information on adoption in general. Fortunately, since we already know our program, we were allowed to skip the sections on other countries. South Korea is a little special in the way they do things, however, so we got a few extra sections because we chose this particular country's program.

     I thought I understood a lot about South Korea's program from our agency's website and conversations with our case worker and consultant. But one thing I began to realize I didn't understand was the expectation of the foster family. We already knew that the foster family was a big blessing in comparison to other countries because our son or daughter would not be placed in an orphanage. South Korea also has excellent medical care so this was another factor that drew us to their program. In fact, the foster mom is required to take our son or daughter to his/her well-check every month. As I sat in bed listening to our case worker go into detail about the foster family...she began to discuss the strict qualifications for the foster family that would be taking care of our son/daughter. For example, the youngest child could be no younger than 6. Wow. Our youngest is 3! We could not even be a foster family for our own child! Furthermore, our case worker went on to explain that the foster mom would not be permitted to work. Her sole responsibility would be to take care of the child. Again, I hold a full-time job. Now thankfully, I have a great job that allows me to work full-time and have summers off with my children. But, by the standards of South Korea, our current home environment and situation would not be conducive to that which is required of our child's foster family. We also learned that the child typically sleeps with the foster mom so that she can tend to the child's every need. While we were blessed with two great sleepers at a very young age, I began to imagine the exhaustion that the foster mom may likely feel...on my behalf. Exhaustion that I would feel if I was there...with my son or daughter. What a selfless act. Immediately, I began to pray for our foster mom...whom we don't even know...who may not even know our son or daughter yet. But I need to pray for her strength...not just today, but every day. I need to pray that God gives her grace, patience, and unconditional love for a child that she is raising...on our behalf. What a blessing she is to our family already.

     One of my favorite things in this process (so far) has been the unfolding of each detail...because each minute detail allows me to pray in a significant way for every piece to our adoption puzzle- including our foster mom.

God always knows.

     How about a post that talks about our most recent adoption UPDATE?! Two weekends ago, we sent off our application (finally) to our chosen agency. It felt like we had been hanging out for weeks with this application. And weeks is probably fairly accurate. Our biggest hang-ups were printing a family picture at Wal-Mart (I kid, I kid) and the special care checklist. This special care checklist was beyond overwhelming. Beyond. I remember sitting down late one night to tackle another small section with Eric...and just sobbing about whether we should say "no" to some conditions and "yes" to others. Battling guilt and wondering WHO would adopt these babies with certain conditions was heart-breaking. I sent out a quick email to our consultant asking for guidance and direction. We are working with someone wonderful from Christian Adoption Consultants. Bless her heart, she responded right away and assured us it was OK to say no. God calls different people to care for every child. We muddled our way through a few more  conditions and then turned in for the night.

     Shortly after Christmas day, we hosted Christmas with Eric's sister and parents. It was the perfect time to dust off our special care checklist...because Eric's mom, brother-in-law, AND sister are all nurses. We were SO thankful that Eric's sister (who is a NICU nurse) could go over the checklist with us. She went into great detail over every single condition on the 5-page, SINGLE- SPACED, list. It saved us a lot of time from googling and we got to talk with a person about things that weren't all scary! We had such peace after our conversation with her. Phew! Thanks, Em!

     With our family picture in tow, Eric sent our packet on its way. Our consultant had touched base with the agency to let them know our app was in the mail. She advised us that if we didn't hear back from our agency by this week...we should let her know. Well, on Tuesday, as my Kindergarten kiddos went off to lunch, I noticed I had a voicemail from a familiar number. It was our agency. I immediately felt excitement...they must have called to let us know they received our application! I quickly checked the  message and our case worker said that she "already had an update" for us. I wasn't quite sure what this meant...but wondered if they had already approved us.

     Thankful it was my lunch break, I returned the call and talked with our case worker. She had shared that they received our application on Friday. Everything looked great. She then went on to say that she had gone ahead and sent our application to their agency in South Korea to get the ball rolling.

     *Sidenote: We chose an agency who had a South Korea program. However, South Korea does not allow this particular agency to work with families in Ohio, unless we get special permission. We were told this wasn't a huge deal (it had been done before), but it would take time...in fact, up to 6 weeks...yikes. Although the approval didn't usually take that long, that was the time frame they had to give us.*

     Sooo... as I was on the phone feeling giddy that our application had even made its way to the agency and that our case worker had kindly sent it to South Korea already....she continues on to say that she had ALREADY heard back from South Korea! Up to 6 weeks?! How about TWO DAYS!? We were approved by South Korea! I was all kinds of excited. I think I sent Eric about 30 emojis with the kiss face. HA! God showed up and showed OFF, friends! I had been praying specifically about the timing of this approval and he answered it. Even our case worker couldn't believe she had already heard back from them in such a short period of time. I emailed our  consultant and overused the exclamation mark but it was warranted. She approved of my exclamation mark usage too. What a huge answer to our prayers!

     So what now?! Now, we finish up our online training and begin the home study. Dun, dun, dun, dunnnnnnn. We're still prayerfully considering which home study agency is best for us. We've had some really great talks with one agency in particular. Would you pray for clarity and discernment with this decision? The home study is a long and grueling process and we want to work with the right agency for us.

     Friends, I am fully aware that our journey is still long...but this quick approval was such a HUGE blessing already. I am finding the good in every single step of this glorious unfolding because I know it's growing our character and our relationship with the Lord. God knows what we need and when we need it. That is for sure!

And one.

3:00 AM.

     Wide awake. I debated on whether to capitalize on my alertness and do something more productive. Something more productive than taking up space in our bed...not sleeping.

4:00 AM.

     Still not capitalizing on productivity...but still not sleeping, either.

Buzzzz. Buzzzz.

My phone vibrated on my nightstand...indicating I had an email. Since sleep and I weren't friends, I decided to define productivity as: checking my email at 4 o'clock in the morning. Oh the joy it would be to see what kind of spam message I was getting at such an odd hour. But behold! It was my encouraging word from KLOVE. *Well played, KLOVE...well played.* I opened it to find this verse from Matthew 7:7.

"Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you." 

     I can assure you that this verse did NOT send me into a deep slumber. But it did send me into a deeper state of thought about what God might be speaking to me at this wee hour of the morning. 

     A few years ago, as a Valentine's day present, Eric and I went to a Francesca Battistelli concert put on by a local Christian radio station. One of the opening bands for Franny was Love and the Outcome. *Can I just say that we love hearing their music on the radio because it's like we knew about them first!? Ok, not really. But it's still cool to think that we heard Love and the Outcome's music before they hit the "big time" radio stations. Anywho,  I digress.* The super sweet husband and wife duo played a few of their songs to open things up. Eric and I both really enjoyed their music. Since this particular concert was in February, Love and the Outcome's album wasn't due to come out until later that year. I remember being a little bummed that I had to wait so long for their album. But nonetheless, I quickly plugged their release date into my phone. That way, I could purchase their album as soon as it came out...and you can bet your bottom dollar I did just that. Like a kid on Christmas morning, I flipped quickly through the songs we hadn't heard yet. I tend to "taste test" my music when I buy an album...each song only gets about 30 seconds of air time until I go to the next one. Once I've tried every song, then I go back and play them all the way through. As I began to play their song Ask, I quickly passed the 30 second "taste test"...and before I knew it, the song had ended. And then I found myself pushing back to hear it again. And again. And again. The words in the chorus were filled with encouragement I needed to lean on:

There is a purpose in our seeking

There is a light beyond this door

We have a promise in our knocking

He wants to give us so much more

If we just ask, ask

If we just ask, ask 

     As I said, this was a "put on repeat" kind of song for me...especially as we began to struggle with infertility. With every failed pregnancy test, I came back to this song time and time again. But after a year had passed, I began to feel like a broken record. In fact, I began to feel just...broken. So instead of asking...I pulled back and waited. I prayed for peace and understanding. I asked for forgiveness for all of the bitterness I was feeling. But somewhere between bitterness and feeling selfish for asking for something that clearly wasn't meant to be at the time, I quit. I quit asking.

     So enter again, this verse from Matthew, that came across my phone on a night when sleep seemed impossible. Thankfully, the words of truth seemed to come at a most opportune time and reminded me of the song I had leaned on for so long. The same song that had collected dust for the past year or so when I declared that I was done asking. Done. So much so that when this song came across my iTunes playlist, I'd quickly push Next. I didn't want to hear it anymore. I was trying to move on. I had been there and "asked" that already. But the words in Matthew 7:7 encouraged me to play the first verse of Ask in my head that night. The same first verse that got me past that 30 second taste test a few years ago:

What do you need?

What fears do you hide?

When you're on your knees

What tears do you cry?

Our Father knows your deepest hurt
Before you've ever said a word
But still He wants to hear your voice

When I think about what it is that I truly desire...I feel like I've asked a million times.  I'm confident that God already knows my heartache. And I'm confident that He already knows the desires of my heart. But perhaps, God was whispering to me that night with these powerful words from Matthew 7:7..."Lindsay, ask me again. Ask me and make that one million...and one."